If the man in your life- whether it be your best friend, boyfriend, or brother- has decided to take the plunge and rush a fraternity, here are some crucial things you need to know to prepare.
1. He’s going to be going through hell for the next 8-10 weeks….
When you get frustrated that he isn’t answering your calls or making time for you, just remember: his nights could be filled with people yelling at him and telling him he isn’t good enough, or him driving around drunk older brothers and being his new fraternity’s commandee.
2. And you need to be sympathetic about it.
Is pledging important in the long run? Like, 20 years from now long run? Probably not. But being in a fraternity will still be important to him. To get to that point of fraternal bliss 20 years down the road, he has to willingly put himself through the pain and humbling of being a pledge. So be sympathetic; let him complain, let him cry, let him be angry, let him do whatever he needs to to be able to survive the next month or two (and do it with kindness and love).
3. He is going to be the busiest he has ever been in his life.
Between keeping up with class work, running over to the frat house, driving brothers home, and trying to find time to sleep, your man is going to be BUSY. As much as you want to see him, sometimes, he is just going to need to take a nap. And you need to understand that.
4. You’re going to feel powerless. But you have to remember, this is not about you.
If you are a worrier, I will let you know now: buckle down and get ready, because this is going to be a wild ride. It’s tossing and turning, waiting for him to get home at 3 am, wondering if he is safe. It’s worrying whether or not his brothers are treating him okay. It’s asking if he’s had time for food today. It’s not knowing how to make him smile when he is so tired and weary he can’t keep his eyes open when you’re talking to him. It’s wishing you could shoulder some of his load because it hurts you to see him like this. Which leads us to number 5…
5. …He’s going to need support, but he might not know how to ask.
Guys want to feel like they have it together. They don’t want help, because they feel as if they should be able to handle things on their own. If your boy is pledging, he is going to be taking on a LOT- pledge responsibilities, trying to bond with brothers, etc- this can be a lot more than he can handle sometimes. And no matter who you are, humbling yourself and admitting you need help is hard and painful and a little awkward. So ask! Ask him how you can help. Even the little things, like doing his laundry or cleaning his dorm can be a huge relief.
6. If he is thinking about dropping, you need to be the voice of reason.
When you are so deep inside something, it’s hard to see every point of view. And when he is pledging, he will be the first to tell you: life sucks. He might get to the point where he is ready to give up, call it quits, and forget about ever joining a frat. After lots of reasonable thinking and weighing the pros and cons, if that is still what he wants, support him! But make sure you remind him why he started-why he wanted to do it in the first place. Sometimes he needs someone to blow away the smoke and haze so he can see clearly.
7. Encourage the heck out of your man.
This is one of the biggest things you can do. Be your guy’s biggest supporter! Encourage him as much as you can. Remind him that he can do it and that it will all be done and over with soon. Text him encouraging or sweet messages throughout the day, seek to give good advice, or pamper him with his favorite snack. Do whatever you can to make him feel loved and feel like he can take on his crazy pledge life!
That being said, there will come a time when he is 100% over it. Remember that sometimes you don’t want advice; you just want to complain. And that’s okay, too.
8. Sacrifice
The truth of the matter is, he’s probably not going to be thinking about you 24/7 as he’s trying to survive pledging. Although it may hurt, you are going to have to accept that right now. Sometimes the most helpful things for him are going to require you to do a lot of sacrificing, even if he doesn’t acknowledge it. It’s staying up with him to make sure he finishes his homework, or buying him dinner and bringing it to him when he doesn’t have time for food. It’s rescheduling your date night so your man can recover from the 3 and a half hours of sleep he got the night before. Even if your guy doesn’t recognize just how much you are doing for him right now, he’s going to look back and be so thankful he had you by his side.
9. Be happy to see him!
As simple as this sounds, being excited to see your man when he gets home from his pledging duties is so important. Reminding him someone loves, values, and cares for him during this time is crucial! So be silly. Be giggly, “wow-I’m-so-lucky-to-be-near-you” excited. It will bring a smile to his face, and your positive attitude will help him shed his pledging blues, too.
10. Remember, this has an end.
The pledging season, for you and the guy in your life, might feel like a never ending process. But remember, it won’t last forever! Before you two know it, he will be a full brother, living it up with his new friends and spending quality time with the girl that matters the most in his life (hey, that’s you!). If you need the reminder, keep a countdown till the final pledging date. Once it is over, you will be able to look back, wipe the metaphorical sweat off your forehead, and, finally, relax.