Mixed Signaling: The Hetero Edition
One of the oddest, most confusing, and downright ambiguous topics is “the college relationship”. Now I’m not referring to all of those cliché ideals that in college you can’t have a meaningful relationship but more what is that and why is it so taboo to claim one? As a 21-year old girl at Clemson I can tell you I’ve seen and tried it all and one of the things that bugs me about the love interests you find in college is one word: honesty (or lack thereof).
Someone, somewhere along the lines told young men that in order to land a lady you have to “finesse” her for some odd days or weeks until she finally decides to get intimate with you. I am hear to tell you that is NOT true and if you’ve set your sights on a woman (notice how I didn’t say girl) then she will agree. At this age, young men need to be upfront about their intentions prior to getting intimate. And I know what you’re thinking “well Jordan, isn’t that like awkward and unnecessary?” No. It’s really not, it’s called being accountable for your actions. What happens all too often is a young lady goes out with her friends and meets a cool guy, they chat for a while and dance for a bit, then he goes home with her (or vice versa). At that point from a 3rd party perspective, this is a simple “hookup” and should be left at that, right? Well what if the guy she talked to had similar interests? What if this guy was the first guy she truly connected with in months? Women have that type of intuition and maybe if it were socially acceptable to be a direct female then she wouldn’t find herself in the position she’s always in—hookup hell.
Now, let’s shout out the men in this scenario. Every guy I’ve ever met always says something along the lines of “men aren’t that difficult” and “men are slow to pickup on signals” which I have found is mostly, if not always, completely untrue. While guys may not have the racing thoughts that women tend to have in the new encounter situations they definitely think about what they say, how they say it, and if they mean it. In my experience, most guys don’t like the direct approach but then claim to be “dense” or say “I didn’t even know you were into me” when I am less direct. Other cases have left me receiving sweet nothings from a guy via text about how I’m “wifey material” or “so perfect” blah blah blah but no forward action. I don’t believe in the whole “guys have to text first” thing but fellas if you like a girl (or even think you like a girl) why not prove it? That doesn’t mean some grand gesture or even unrelenting commitment to her just flat out tell her how you feel. No, that’s what thirsty/whipped guys do. I just personally think a lot of miscommunication can be solved with clear communication and honesty. If you want to just have sex let her know, if you want more talk to her about it. It’s not “awkward” it’s called maturity.
To put this article in layman’s terms: everyone kind of sucks but if we’re honest we can all suck a little less. Obviously I’m just kidding but I think it’s important for our young adults to aim for “adult” and stop falling into “young”. It’s easy to be immature but your actions affect everyone around you whether you know it or not. So while I’m not suggesting every guy propose before each one night stand but I do ask that we all try to be more accountable with how we lead people on and try transparency. Who knows, maybe you’ll be more likely to get lucky next time around!