1.) Respect the door decs people: if someone spends hours on something how about you don’t draw a penis on it? You’re in college, please respect that someone had to put work into something.
2.) Stop asking stupid questions. Seriously. “No question is a stupid question” is not valid when you’ve asked about your wifi connection six times in an hour. I don’t know- I told you that ten minutes ago, therefore it’s a stupid question.
3.) If I am ass naked popping my head out the door because you wanted to ask me something during my shower, don’t be rude. I am in a robe right now and you’re yelling about your wifi.
4.) We don’t know your names. We have code names for you, hello “daddy issues” and “the bitch from 435” nice to see you.
5.) Don’t wake us up at three AM unless it is 100% necessary, please for the love of God we never get to sleep, let us.
6.) We are 10 times more illegal than you are. No drinking in the dorms? Hell, we’re doing it in the dorm and then letting you into your locked room or hosting a program .
7.) Come to the programs. I don’t want to be there, but please come so I can get paid.
8.) Person who is standing in the office as I type my homework, go away, I literally do not want to talk to you right now.
9.) How about you don’t start throwing punches in the hall ways guys. I seriously don’t want to fill out the paperwork.
10.) If I see one more penis drawn on something I am hunting whoever did it down and drawing one on your face. Don’t be a dick guys.
11.) Don’t get on the elevator holding a can of FourLoco, for real dude, stop doing that. Casually covering your hand over it doesn’t hide what it is. I just don’t care enough to fill out the paperwork.
12.) Don’t knock on the door and say “it smells like pot” to me, ever. I don’t care, the cops don’t care, no one but you cares right now. Also, 60% chance it’s my RA room and I am not calling the cops on me.
13.) Stop breaking the rules in front of me, I really hate doing the paperwork.
14.) If you have an issue, come to me. I will fix it if I can even if it takes me calling every office on campus because reslife is garbage.
15.) Dude, your AC probably isn’t broken, you have 20 guys in here in August. It’s hot as hell outside, do the math.
16.) I was having sex when you knocked, but sure what do you want to complain about?- said no RA ever. If I look like I was “busy” say what you need fast or run away.
17.) I was totally sucking dick when you knocked and answered the door only in a blanket, sorry resident.
18.) We are college students too, I have no idea how to help you with the FASFA but a grown up in the finical aid office does.
19.) Not going to lie, I put my in and out board on “out” when I am trying to sleep.
20.) Actually, I put it on “out” when I am trying to do anything without my residents knowing I am there.
21.) I know your roommate smells like pot, I buy it off him.
22.) Shower. Just shower. Please do not make me right a report on how you haven’t showered in a week and I gagged when I entered your side of the hallway.
23.) The campus is haunted. I do not want to know about the creepy thing that is in your room at night.
24.) There is a 25 percent chance I am intoxicated right now, but sure what do you want resident?
25.) Do not ever be an RA ever. It is the most soul sucking, unrewarding, and degrading job you will ever have in your entire life. Do not do it unless you are ready for 26 emotional breakdowns in two weeks because your residents have kept you up all night, the constant struggle from reslife, the fact school and not sleeping do not mix, or a combination of all three.