I want to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for leaving me!
No, you did not read that wrong. I am thankful that the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, left me. He left as fast as I fell in love. I fell for this man all too quickly, head over heels. We were both so in love with the idea of our relationship, that we never realized we were not in love with ourselves.
See, to truly love someone, you must love yourself first. You can think all you want that you love yourself, but you will never truly know until you are faced with being by yourself, with only yourself for company. When you are alone, are you happy, content? Or, are you miserable?
For me, I thought I knew myself. I thought I knew where I was heading in life, and that the man I loved would be by my side for all of it. In reality, I was just clinging to the hope that this man, I supposedly loved, would guide me to find myself and become who I was truly meant to be. I was halfway there already, he was just going to get me the rest of the way. He was my missing puzzle piece. He expected me to be that missing link to his true future self, too.
We did not realize it at the time, but we weren’t each other’s missing piece. We are full human beings. Everyone is a full human being. Nothing about a person is missing. We are all already there, we just need to look inside ourselves and find our full potential.
Sometimes, people come into our lives because they are the stepping stone to guide us safely across the raging river that is our existence. He was my stepping stone, and I was his. Our love for each other felt infinite. For the little infinity that we had together, it was pure bliss. Now that he is gone, no contact whatsoever, I have learned that my little infinities in life will lead me to the places I am supposed to be. I have learned to love myself. As should everyone going through a heart break of epic proportion. Because loving yourself will open you to the possibility of your forever infinity with your rock, not a stepping stone.
After all the sleepless, tear-ridden nights, I can finally say I am happy to be who I am. I have not experienced any type of love for anyone since the man who left, but I know that someday, I will feel that kind of love again, and never have to feel that kind of hurt again.
There is a light at the end of this tunnel we have been trapped in for so long. Searching the caverns for the glimmer of hope. My parting advice to the wanderers, you will find that map out of the dark abyss, by looking within and learning to love yourself.
Once again, thank you to the man who left. Without your decision to abandon me in my darkest times, I would not have found the strength to capture that glimmer.
Picture Credits: Emily Shoup