An LDR – long distance relationship – is not an easy thing. Actually, when I first discovered my now-boyfriend would be moving post-graduation, I got nervous. How would we make it? I was so used to seeing him almost everyday that I couldn’t imagine only seeing him once a month, maybe even less. And since we started off as good friends, my biggest fear was that I would lose both a great friend and my boyfriend.
Luckily, we are now almost 5 months into a really healthy relationship, and a long distance one at that. It’s not always easy, but I thought I’d share what I’ve learned from it so far.
Having no expectations is sometimes the best thing. One of the best parts of being in any relationship is being spontaneous. With us not being together, having random unplanned phone calls and Facetimes are great, along with unscheduled visits whenever we get the chance. We’re both busy people, and talking every day or seeing each other once a month doesn’t always work, so being flexible is the best thing.
- DMs will become your best friend. Along the same lines, my boyfriend and I have found that DMs are a great way to keep the communication fun and intentionally thoughtful. It’s always nice to find a fun video of dogs or a perfect me-humor tweet land in my DMs, and I always love sending them to him as well.
- Trips will be amazing. Because we don’t really get to see each other all the time or go on dates, we jam them all into our short visits. Plus, these planning trips and extravagant dates give us something to talk about and look forward to.
- You’ll form great relationships outside of the one with your SO. With my boyfriend gone, it’s given me a great opportunity to grow outside of him. I depend on my friends because they’re the ones who are here, and if anything, I feel like my friendships have improved since being in a LDR, not suffered. While I know my boyfriend is always just a text or phone call away, I depend on my friends more and hope they feel they can depend on me just as much.
- But you’ll get closer to your SO than you ever imagined. I tell him everything, just because I can, even if it’s the most boring stuff you can possibly imagine. Know that every conversation isn’t going to be mind blowing, and sometimes the best things to hear are the everyday little things because they make you feel involved in their day-to-day life, even from afar.
- It gives you time for yourself. This is a great thing for me right now, especially considering it’s my senior year. I don’t have to sacrifice this last year of shenanigans with my best friends, but when my boyfriend is in town, everyone understands I will be MIA. On a deeper note, it has given me time to decide what I want for myself (which is grad school), and that could keep us long distance for an even longer time. But at the end of the day, we respect that we have to do what’s best for us as individuals, and will support each other wholeheartedly. That doesn’t mean we don’t care about our relationship. If anything, I think it means we care so much about it; because we know that sometimes we have to put ourselves before our relationship so we can be fully happy with each other.
Looking back, I could probably think of a dozen more things that I’ve learned from being in an LDR, and as we continue to date long distance, I’m sure I’ll come up with a hundred more. The coolest thing is seeing how overall positive and joyful of an experience it’s been – because why be in a relationship if you aren’t 100% happy with it and yourself? If you’re in one or just starting one, know you’re not alone and it can be totally awesome. But here’s my personal wish regarding my own LDR: may it continue to grow and shape me for the better.
And shout out to my LDR boyfriend for suggesting I write this.
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