An Ode to Internet Dating
You feel lonely, upset and sad
Your closest friends are your Mum and your Dad.
You look around you and all you see
Are couples holding hands and shouting with glee.
You’d like your own boyfriend to hold
But instead you sit at home eating ice cream *ouch cold*.
You watch rom-coms which show you the perfect pair.
Where is your boyfriend? Life is unfair!
You’ve scouted shops and clubs for a guy you like
Someone looks perfect until you see they wear Nike.
You see many hot guys while you’re sat on bench
You hear some have accents and you melt *ah French*.
But your courage is low, you can’t talk to these guys?
What if they ignore you? You have butterflies.
There must be an easier way than this
To meet a boy and get true loves first kiss.
You go online, there are loads of ads
“Join up today and meet lots of fit lads”.
It couldn’t be? Could it? A sign from above?
Maybe this way, I’ll find my true love!
You sign up almost instantly, put up your traits
Then you sit back with a cup of tea and patiently wait.
One message through, then another and another
Oh wow you’re certain to find your perfect lover.
You look through, he’s too hairy, and his eyes are too weird,
Oh he’d be perfect if he didn’t have that beard.
He collects spiders? No thanks, decline
Oh what’s this? He enjoys tasting wine?
You click on his photo, tall dark and hot
He speaks Italian, is a chef and likes the Beatles a lot
Could he be anymore perfect? You sent him a chat
“Hey, you seem quite interesting, I like the pic of your cat”.
He replies almost instantly “Thanks, you seem quite sweet”
And the two of you begin chatting and it lasts for weeks
Finally he asks you “would you like to meet?”
Butterflies fill your tummy “yes, that sounds sweet.”
You put on your best dress, and then change for a skirt
You look in the mirror and practise how to flirt.
You catch the bus and your mind is going crazy
“What if he’s smelly? Or too tall? Or lazy?”
Finally you arrive at the place you arranged
It’s completely deserted, oh how it seems strange
You sit on a bench, and wait and wait
Has he stood you up for your first date?
Soon you see a guy who walks towards you
He’s not the guy in the picture, he’s about 62
Before you could get up, he’s grabbed you by the waist
“Sit down little girl, oh you do have a pretty face”
He laughs a miserable laugh and drags you to his van
The internet site promised your ideal man
But without any proof you met this one guy
And the whole operation turned out to be a lie.
So be careful if you decide to meet an internet date
Tell someone where you’re going, or even better, bring a mate.
Make sure you see them on webcam live
Or you too could have him take your life.
This poem was a warning to make sure you know who you’re talking to on the internet before you meet them for a date or even as a friend! They could see like the ideal partner, the love of your life or the best friend you never had but you can never be sure so make sure you speak to them live over Skype, if they claim they haven’t got a camera it could be dodgy, even at this age it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Had an internet dating experience? Tell us @HerCampusCCCU