We’re all human, therefore, we’re all afraid of rejection (to some degree, of course). You can deconstruct this fear, crediting it to a lack of self-esteem or some deep-rooted anxiety about being cut-off or isolated. We fear being alone. So, even if we know a situation is going to be okay, many of us will over-analyze it to ensure that the worst-case scenario won’t be rejection. This applies to many aspects of life: pitching an idea at a meeting, asking someone out, making a decision in a game, and especially coming out of the closet.
For those of you who don’t have any experience in this area, coming out as gay (or transexual, or bisexual, etc.) is probably the scariest thing a human can do. The process leading up to it involves a lot of soul-searching, self-identification, experimentation (for some people), and finally learning to accept yourself. Yet, even after going through all of that, after finally learning that you can love yourself, the people you know and love can still reject you.
People who you thought were your friends could come to hate you because of who you love. The people who tucked you in at night and kissed you on your forehead, promising you that they’d love you forever, could turn around in a blink of an eye and tell you that you’re not part of the family anymore, or that you’re going to die and burn in hell. One small fact about you could alter how people see you for the rest of your life, and you’re not even in control of the situation.
Fortunately, times are a-changin’. For some people who are in the LGBTQ+ community, facing the situations that I mentioned above aren’t their reality. Some people will be accepted. Their friends will still be their friends, their family will love and support them and, for the most part, they won’t have to come face to face with those who are, shall we say, steadfast in their old-fashioned ways. But what happens when your old friends and your family aren’t even within the same 100-mile radius? What happens when your college friends didn’t grow up in the same town as you and have very different backgrounds than that of you and your family? You see, one of the benefits of going away to college is that, in a way, you get to remodel yourself. You get the opportunity to really just be you.
Photo courtesy of Jess Foami
*Disclaimer: What comes next is my story. I wouldn’t dare speak on behalf of anybody else in the LGBTQ+ community because every person has such an individualized story that I wouldn’t even think of generalizing or compiling them up into one mass account.*
You see, I’m lucky in the sense that I know my parents probably wouldn’t hate me if I chose to come out to them. For years, my mom lived in a city that is celebrated for its diversity and my dad is just a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. My siblings probably wouldn’t care either, they’d just brush it off. But, as I said before, we’re human. We fear rejection. What if my parents are cool with the idea of people being gay, but aren’t cool with the idea of their own child being gay?
Yet, it’s not just that. I’m not technically gay, I’m bisexual. In layman’s terms, that means I like both boys and girls. It also means that I have to deal with a lot of misconceptions. Such as it’s not just a phase, and I’m not greedy (because 0 dates x 2 genders is still 0 dates, my friend), and I’m not gay and just don’t want to admit it yet. I’m bi. It’s here, it’s real, it’s a thing. Also, I’ve spent over 19 years of my life with my parents. They think they know me pretty well. So how will they react if one day I tell them that everything is not what it seems?
Enter the beauty of college. College is a wonderful place where people just don’t give a darn. Which is why coming out to my friends was far easier than I originally anticipated. In fact, the first person I told gave me a hug then asked me if I was still down to get dinner. Even the one friend who I told and wasn’t okay with it, I’m still able to speak with on intermittent intervals and grab the occasional lunch. College is a time where you can figure out who you really are, and if certain people don’t fit into that picture, then you can cut them out!
Family, on the other hand, is a lot more difficult. I can’t just dump them if they don’t love me anymore. In all honesty, I don’t know what I would do. But here’s the beauty of the situation: I have time. And, in the meanwhile, I can be who I’m supposed to be without the fear of being outed. I can live without the fear of being rejected. Well, for now.
Rep image courtesy of Pixabay