By Nicole Jardim
Floorcest. Most of us have heard of it, maybe even been involved in this notorious deed during our freshman year. But, for those of you who are new to res life in university and its glorious jargon, let me fill you in: Floorcest is the act of sexual relations between two people who live on the same floor in university or college dorms.
For many, this idea may seem peculiar. Why would you want to hook up with someone you live next to for the whole year? Better yet, why hook up with someone you see twice, maybe three times a day? You may be thinking you would never get involved with a floor mate, but it happens. Regardless if you think that it’s a good or a bad idea, there may come a time when the opportunity presents itself and when that time comes, you want to be prepared.
Before we get into the nitty gritty, I’d like to let you know that I’ve certainly had my experience with floorcest—from deciding it was a good idea, to actually doing the deed, and finally to realizing it was a mistake. However, I’ve certainly realized I’m not the only one, which is why I feel the need to share my knowledge and experience to the newbies of Carleton.
If you are going to take part in floorcest, it is important to know there are some advantages and disadvantages and you should be aware of both before making your decision. This article has been designed to help you first years, or maybe even upper years, understand what you are getting yourselves into.
If you’re about to engage in it, are already engaging in it, or are considering hooking up with someone on your floor, this one`s for you. Here are the advantages and disadvantages of floorcest.
Advantages
1. Cuddling—my favourite pastime. Do you need a cuddle buddy at 3 a.m.? Just shoot out a text. He/she will be right over. 12 in the afternoon? No problem! How about 6 a.m.? They’re probably over already. They live just a few steps away. It doesn’t get more convenient than that.
2. Ignoring text messages or phone calls will no longer be a problem. If he/she ever steps out of line you can always just walk on over and give his/her door a couple of knocks.
3. If you ever feel stuck or need help studying for a really important exam, floorcest buddies are the best kind of people for comfort and help with schoolwork.
4. You will never be sexually deprived again.
5. You will never be bored again.
6. Floorcest is the perfect way to test your patience. If you can stand seeing someone everyday for a year, you can do anything.
7. Now that you found someone who has seen you at your worst and still wants to hook up with you, you no longer have to dress to impress.
Disadvatanges
1. If you’re starting to feel like you need your space, it might be difficult to come by. There are only so many places to hide in residence. You will run into each other and it will happen frequently over the school year.
2. If it ends badly, when you have those hallway run-ins, it will be awkward.
3. There are no secrets in residence. If things end and you’re upset, people will know. If things end and you’re the one responsible, people may judge. The point is your private life will not be private.
4. When it ends, you can try and be friends, but we all know how that works out.
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