The most important thing you need to know? You are not alone. I believe most girls secretly share this mentality and want to be valued, cherished and loved in a way that only comes with finding the person you’re supposed to marry.
For many people in college, romance does not exist at all. I promise you are not the only one who lies in bed watching Netflix and eating ice cream while questioning why there isn’t a Tinder for men who actually want relationships.
What else do you need to know?
It is completely normal to feel uncomfortable casually hooking up with people. Go to a party, have all kinds of fun, but if you don’t want to make out with a random stranger or a guy you vaguely know from class, don’t do it. The experience may be exciting at first, but then real romantic feelings start to creep in, which inevitably suffocate you since you’ve been spending time with a man that only has a hook-up mentality.
It’s not worth the inner turmoil of giving away a piece of your heart if you’re the type of person that will become emotionally attached to a man who is completely unavailable. There is actually nothing casual about letting someone be intimate with your body, whether it’s the first hook-up or the tenth. After that one night stand, it is undeniably better when the person you’re with chooses to stay. Make sure the man that you do finally choose to date is on the same page as you, or at least understands that you are looking for a possible life partner.
So when you get that booty call or text, put your phone down and pick up a good book. Fall in love with Mr. Darcy while you wait to fall in love with your husband.
Utilize your time of singleness to work on yourself. If you are looking for someone that is marriage material, be the type of woman who will attract that ideal man. This means presenting yourself in a way that’s unashamedly you. Let the guys know exactly who you are without any false pretenses and lies to make yourself seem cooler or more desirable. If you want to marry this man, he has to love all the parts of you, even the parts you are typically less willing to expose when in a casual relationship. Be the woman who will make him ready to settle down and say “Yes, she’s it. I’ve finally found my person.”
Most importantly, don’t forget to be realistic. You need to let go of those rom-com expectations of men that you compare every guy in real life to, because doing so will always leave you feeling disappointed.
Don’t waste your time in a relationship if you honestly don’t see it going anywhere. Trust me, your heart will know. It is important to not compromise your feelings just because there is pressure to stay with someone. Try not to be concerned with what others think of you if you choose to express that you are only looking for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. Friends and family might think it is weird and say things like “But you’re so young, don’t you want to experience all that college has to offer? Don’t you want to experiment with men a little more?” If you’re ready to stop getting your heart broken, having loveless hook-ups and are generally aching for something more, then disregard any criticism you encounter.
If you are truly ready for a husband, not just another boyfriend, start to value the word “no.” Say no to hook-ups, say no to the pressure to be in a relationship and say no to the men who you know will not be your forever.
Because just imagine if you could love that right person as much as you have loved all the wrong ones.