The college experience is different for everyone regardless of relationship status–but for students who are in committed relationships, it’s even more atypical. I say “committed relationships” to include couples who demonstrate characteristics associated with lifetime relationships.
In other words, this isn’t about “let’s see where this goes” relationships. I am talking about people who have put a ring on it or made the mutual choice to behave as though they have.
Committed relationships and college students
According to a study done by Pew titled “Millenials in Adulthood” in 2013, only 26 percent of 18-32 year olds were married, which is less than any generation prior at the same age. These low rates are often attributed to a desire for financial stability before entering a marriage. But for those who do get married or are in a fully committed relationship, growing up quickly becomes a priority. Being in college and being in a committed relationship is not as simple as some might think.
Committed relationships and me
Whenever I tell someone that I am in a committed relationship (and explain that means I am planning to spend the rest of my life with my partner), I always get the same kind of reaction: “That’s great!” or, “That’s so cute!” However, behind their smiles and “aaawwwws,” I always see a flicker of judgment or surprise, as if to say, “But you’re way too young!”
Being committed to someone while in college is not a bad thing. It is a choice. To compare it to another huge life choice, it’s almost like having a baby at a young age. Being so young, some people are going to see it as a mistake but tell you that they are excited for you anyway. These are both conscious choices.
So, please no judgments.
Now, you might think that being in a committed relationship in college means always having someone to come home to after classes, but it is so much more than that. It also means having someone that you are responsible for, to take care of and to worry about. When work, school or friends might consume most students lives, it is twofold for anyone in a committed relationship because your partner’s problems often become your own problems, and vice versa. Imagine having a roommate who has partial control over your bank account, chore list, hours of availability, career goals and priorities. It’s almost like living with your parents all over again.
The perks
However, there are plenty of perks. While having a life partner can add a little stress to your own life, there is another side to that coin. A relationship is not only give, but also take. For example, you might get tired of picking up after them after a while, but they’ll be there to pick up the slack when you need them. You might have to take time out of your busy life to take care of them, but when life gets to be too much, they’ll take care of you too. Whenever you’re having a tough time, they’ll always be there to give emotional support.
Having one person who always there for you is, I’ll admit, one of the best perks of the relationship. It means coexisting with another human being and growing with them for the rest of your life. The downside to that is you have to grow with them, meaning you are often restricted in terms of your own development, which can be especially hard in college. While all your friends might be mentioning internships in New York, studying abroad in Spain or some other awesome plans, you know that your mobility is extremely limited due to having to coordinate with another human. That means if they have a stable, well-paying job in town, your future career options might be limited. It’s not much more fun when it’s reversed either.
Even though this can be scary and restricting, it also means starting to build your life together that much sooner.
Having a life partner in college is not all sunshine and rainbows. It’s hard work. It’s also one of the things I am most grateful for (also been said a thousand times and still true). So the next time a peer tells you they are in a similar boat, remember that it’s like any other life choice and should be treated with respect. And what might be too soon for you might not be for another person. Hey, it freaks us out too sometimes, but we are happy nonetheless.