Beauty is subjective and yet it we insist on assigning standards to it.
I personally never cared much for beauty until I became more active on the Internet. Surfing Facebook, I see post after post telling me about 100 calorie snacks and what exercises burn fat fast. Sometimes it feels like being stretched in two directions. On one end are the fitness blogs, diet posts, exercise routines, that encourage me to strive for that trim, sculpted body. On the other strangers telling me that I have inherent value. Don’t get me wrong, I love dressing up once in a while. I also have no problem with others that like to look good. It just makes me wonder why looking good is important to how we feel about ourselves.
It seems nowadays there is a vast majority of our society that places a significant amount of value on physical appearance.
It is the first thing we are attracted to in a potential partner and often a huge deciding factor concerning our opinions of an individual. According to Psychology Today, one of the strongest initiators of girl hate is one woman perceiving another to be more beautiful than her. As far as celebrities go, we often label stars as either beautiful or talented. Any that manage to present themselves as both we consider gods and goddesses. Why do we do this? Why is Beyonce “perfection” while Adele is just “super talented”?
Scientists would say that it all started with primitive origins during a time when we chose mates based on appearance because appearance was a good indication of genes… but come on people! We have evolved beyond lusting after DNA fragments! Or at least, I hope so.
It is certainly despairing to know that while we regularly see articles, Tweets, and Tumblr posts condemning the glorification of physical beauty while praising inner, we see just as many instructing us how to lose 20 pounds in 10 weeks. This has lead to some very confusing feelings in adolescents and young adults, and it is rampant here at Cal Poly.
I have heard first-hand accounts and seen posts, articles, and blogs written by Cal Poly students expressing their struggles with body image, a prevalent problem on our campus.
When considering this, I usually like to examine two facts about our campus:
- We are home to some of the most attractive college students in the country. Overall, we are usually in the top 25 of most colleges ranked by the appearance of its students. In fact, students here are so famous for being attractive, there exists a phrase to refer a stereotypical female student which incorporates this belief: Poly Dolly.
- Unfortunately, we also experience high rates of eating disorders and, when people try to put it into the form of a statistic, Cal Poly SLO rates pretty high on that list too. An article featured in the Mustang Daily in 2013 expresses the belief that eating disorders are not only a problem, but that “Cal Poly is a walking eating disorder.”
Constantly being “encouraged” to lead a healthy lifestyle, to have a healthy physique, is bad enough for those who struggle with their health, but when we are surrounded by people who are sporting gym-toned bodies, it can be both encouraging and intimidating. Often these feelings switch back and forth and for some, it lingers on the negative.
This inner turmoil is a problem that a lot of people struggle with, men and women alike. It’s easy to tell them not to worry because they are beautiful regardless of body, size or the way they look. Unfortunately we are a generation that grew up with idols like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, who all rocked crop tops that showed off their sexy, flat stomachs.
But even skinny people are not safe anymore.
Those who are slight of build receive flack for their bodies and are labeled as “unattractive” or “puny.” As a society, we are constantly pushed to believe that what we are is not good enough, especially by advertising companies who want to work on our insecurities to create a demand for their products. While I support completely the desire to improve oneself and one’s health, this twisted sense of the ideal body and health has quickly turned so many from those who strove for self-improvement to those who strive for skinniness.
Even today, the media bombards us with women in sports bras and bike pants, showing off how strong and shapely they are. It is still the same song but with a “healthier” chorus. I put “healthier” in quotations because to me, when people are telling you how to get “sculpted,” they are not concerned about the public health. I am all for improving health and quality of life.
I am not a fan of preying upon society’s insecurities to sell products like sports gear, workout videos, and diet plans. For those of us who no longer or have never fit the body type, the pressure to aspire to that can be emotionally crippling, especially when we as Poly students look around and see examples of success that we have neglected to achieve and maintain.
Living in an environment like Cal Poly where we are surrounded by healthy, successful, intelligent people, it is easy to get down on ourselves.
Being surrounded by so many “Poly Dollies”can be horrible for self-esteem not because we are suppressed by the shaming or hatred of others, but because sometimes the obsession of living a perfect, healthy lifestyle can pummel us down and make us ashamed and hateful of ourselves.
By advocating for self-improvement based on weight and fitness, are we really improving ourselves or just denying ourselves?
When we go funnel into the Rec Center, are we going to improve and preserve our health or are we just telling ourselves that? It all depends on the attitudes we take. I think what we have is a beauty epidemic. We place so much value in it that we either love or hate someone based on it, including ourselves.
About a year ago, I was living the healthy lifestyle. I was happy with my weight, my body, my health. I felt confident and strove to improve myself, to make myself stronger, faster, more enduring. Then came a point when life happened and my healthy habits trickled away, making room for a few extra pounds.
Suddenly, I wasn’t happy with myself anymore.
After gaining about 40 lbs. over the course of 6 months, I found myself hating my body and I hated myself for letting it happen. After a few conversations with loved ones and many self pep-talks, I began to wonder why the weight was having such an effect on me. I told myself that I pined for the capabilities I once had, that I wept for my athletic decline. After much thought and wading through the defensive bull****, I decided to stop lying to myself and admit the truth: I was depressed, verging on suicidal, because I had gotten fatter.
I felt stupid for thinking that way, that it was illogical and senseless because in my heart I knew that I was a wonderful, radiant person, but for some reason that still wasn’t enough.
The fitness craze had gotten under my skin and wormed its way into my brain, making me dependent on a fit body for happiness.
However, I am glad to say that after much meditation on the subject, I am recovering.
What I want to share with you, dear reader, is that while being self-conscious might be considered normal, you don’t have to be normal. You are a soul resplendent and you control how brightly you shine.
Remember, there is nothing wrong for feeling down about a bad hair day, or that all your favorite shirts are dirty so you have to settle for that one you got for free for doing that thing, but the second you start hating your body, hating yourself, that is where you must draw the line. Don’t let it hurl you deeper into despair.
I firmly believe that the true key to self-acceptance/love is not simply moving beyond the hate, but forgiving yourself for feeling it. Tell yourself you are sorry, forgive yourself, and try to be better. Give yourself a compliment whenever you need it and don’t stop until you feel better. Remember: You are amazing and you don’t need washboard abs, a toned back, or a five-minute mile to prove it. When you find the beauty in yourself, it shines through for all to see.
Don’t let the pressures of society reach you and while you’re at it, contribute to changing it for the better.