Everyone talks about the most stressful aspects of college: midterms, finals, senior projects, etc. But what about the little things that no one actually talks about? The ones that slowly start creating white hairs and have us chewing our fingernails down without realizing it? Well it’s time someone called out SLO for giving us premature wrinkles. Here’s what Cal Poly students really stress about.
1. Polylearn maintenance
There may have been a notice of maintenance for the past two weeks, and It may be completely our fault for not doing the assignment until the night before the due date, but please. For the love of all things holy and good in this world, put Polylearn back up. We’re prepared to sacrifice our firstborn son.
2. SLO store closing hours
We may have been misinformed, but we were lead to believe that college students are nocturnal creatures that become most active during the night. This being a college town, you’d think that business owners knew that and would keep the stores open late. WRONG. So wrong. Target needs to be open at midnight for us not yet twenty-one people.
3. Campus Wifi
One second it’s working, the next it’s not. Usually, it’s not. Are we not a Polytechnic University that was originally designed to be an engineering school? How is our WIFI not so much better than everyone else’s? There’s an army of engineering students who would drool over the opportunity to make their mark at our school by engineering-up some bomb WIFI. Come on Cal Poly, use your assets.
4. Allergy season
Literally the worst. Half the school enters a state of perpetual death at the same time every year, yet no one ever seems to remember to pack tissues. Taking a test? Sorry to ruin your concentration, Patrick over here can’t stop sniffling to save his life. Take note ASI, handout tissue packs and Clariton D, not coffee.
5. The post-election life
While not specific to Cal Poly, the election is a very relevant topic to our stress. Honestly, what in the heck is going on? What is going to happen to our country? Who is going to pay for the wall? When is someone going to let the moderator do his job?
6. Any UCSB soccer game
Ah. One of the most spirited, tortilla filled nights at Cal Poly. Is that vomit in the stands over there? Maybe. Did someone just spit tobacco juice on your back? Probably. Doesn’t matter, we have to WIN THIS GAME. SANTA BARBARA WILL COWER AT OUR FEET. WE ARE THE MIGHTY MUSTANGS. BUCK. THE. GAUCHOOOS.
Feel like taking a nap instead of dealing with all these stressful things? Don’t worry, us too.