There are always those times in our lives when we feel self-conscious or that our efforts fall short from our goals. In those times, at least for me, I always think of myself as a thirteen year old again, hiding in the back, making sure to be as invisible as possible. That was the time when I was the most vulnerable, when I was the least confident in myself and my decisions. I feel that everyone has had this moment sometime in their life: a kind of low-point that our subconscious immediately falls back to when times are especially difficult. It may have been middle school (like me) or high school or any time in between but it is important now to realize that we are different than the little girl we were, and that everything is going to be okay. Sometimes, in moments of rare clarity, I look back from that place when I was 13 years old and begin to realize just how much I’ve grown since then and how much happier in myself I am now than back then. It is also in this time of clarity that all I want to do is go back in time and give 13 year old me a hug and tell her that everything is going to be okay and that even though things are difficult, it does not mean they always will be. As I cannot actually time travel (that would be so freaking cool though), here is a list I compiled of things I would want to tell my thirteen year old self.
1. Some days completely suck, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t good days too.
Yes, sometimes you have your bad days. Or weeks. But with that comes the ability to try and find some good about it. Maybe you had a nice conversation with a friend, or you had a good dinner, or you saw a cool movie. Maybe it was something as simple as the sunset looked pretty that night. It doesn’t have to be big things, just start off small; it’ll get easier to find the positive stuff over time.
2. Having a lot of friends is not important. Having friends that actually care is.
It’s so important to find friends who actually like you for you, and vice versa, it is so important to ditch the friends who don’t treat you the way you should be treated.
3. Don’t get bangs. Bad idea.
Your mom, your sister and your friends said don’t do it. Why oh why didn’t you listen? But at the same time, I applaud your attempt to try something new even if it did end up in tears. At least you got to wear a lot of cool headbands till they grew out.
4. Adults will disappoint you, no matter how much you look up to them.
Adults are there to guide us and be there for us but a lot of times they aren’t. This is not your fault though, so don’t blame yourself when they don’t seem to follow through.
5. I know this is cliché, but boys seriously are not worth your time and energy.
Before you try and focus on getting boys to like you, try and like yourself first. It is way more rewarding to know that you don’t need a boyfriend to be happy and it definitely saves you a lot of tears and disappointment. Then, when the right boy does come around, you will be ready.
6. You don’t have to listen to the music everyone else likes.
You don’t like rap. You didn’t really then, you don’t now and no matter how many times you try listening to it you still won’t really like it. Music is such a powerful thing when you find the right stuff to listen to; you don’t have to waste your time listening to your friend’s favorite songs. Explore what you like, even if your friends don’t like it. That goes for other things too. Try on the clothes you like, do the things you like, even if your friends don’t like them. Explore your interests.
7. It’s okay to be a little weird. Actually it’s great to be weird. Being weird is fun.
Being weird is being yourself and, lets face it, we are all at least a little weird. Let your weirdness out and others will embrace it, and if they don’t, you weren’t meant to be friends with them anyway. Embrace who you are.
8. Your voice matters.
You have so many thoughts and opinions that matter, let your voice be heard. It’s hard at first, and there will be others that will try and take your voice away from you, but don’t let them! Your voice is powerful and has something important to say.
9. It’s okay to say you aren’t okay. And with that, it’s okay to ask for help.
You don’t have to struggle on your own, and sometimes you may need to ask for help. It will be hard to do, but it is so worth it in the end. If you let them, people are always there to help you.
10. You are enough.
I cannot even begin to emphasize how important this is. You are enough. You matter. You have so much to offer this world; don’t let anyone tell or make you feel differently. You were not put on this earth just to take up space, but to actually matter in this life. You are more powerful and capable than you can even imagine if you actually believe it.