If you want to say no, say it.
From a young age we women are taught to be polite, cordial, and respectful. This societal construct of female gentility is actually not gentle at all; it stems from sexism. Women have for the longest time been thought of as housewives and hostesses. Betty Crockers we are not. Somehow our sex has become synonymous with politeness. If a man asks how your day is, you are supposed to smile and say fine, even if he makes you uncomfortable and his eyes are undressing you. It’s rude to refuse his kind gesture, even if his intentions are the furthest thing from sweet. Remember the catcall experiment that took place in NYC a few weeks ago? See it here. Men and women everywhere have complained that the girl in the video was being a “bitch.” They even wonder how men can ever approach women nowadays if they think a greeting counts as harassment. The thing is that it’s harrassment because we say it is. It makes us uncomfortable. Men do not approach other men on the street like they do women. Sexism is the underline root of this horrible, disgusting problem. Saying no in these situations, however, have unfortunately proven to be dangerous for the women involved. For now, silence serves as our objection.
Take “friend zoning” as another example: when girls say no to a nice guy, we’re suddenly the bitch, the frigid one, and the enemy. As women we are expected to serve others. This is not okay. We are not robots; we are living, breathing, creative, powerful, important human beings.
Take the initiative to say no. If a girlfriend asks you to bail her out of another awkward social situation like with a bad date, you are supposed to smile and say of course, even if you’ve been dying to stay in tonight after a horrible day at work. It’s selfish to stay in, even if you know that your friend will be in another situation like this in no time. Take note that this is not a question of being a good friend; it’s a question of putting yourself first. Another example might be choosing to go out to a party with friends or staying in. Say no if you want to. If you don’t want to watch your neighbor’s dog while they’re on vacation, say no. Don’t do something if you don’t want to. It’s simple advice but damn is it hard to follow.
Putting yourself first – isn’t that being selfish? Yes, it is. Since when did being selfish become such a bad thing, though? Who are we living for besides ourselves? Who do you fall asleep with and wake up to every day? Who do you live with every second of every day of every year of your life? You do. Now tell me this: who’s going to look out for you if you’re too busy being polite and looking out for others? Don’t shy away from putting yourself first. This goes for college students everywhere, but especially women, because it’s up to us to stand our ground and introduce the word no into our vocabulary.
I’m not saying be cold or heartless or mean. I’m saying put yourself first, love yourself the most, do things you want to do and not what others think you should do. You’ve got maybe seventy years on Earth – who are you going to please? Choose yourself. You’re worth it. Read this.