Why I hate Bonsai Trees ~ a thrilling tale explaining my hatred for those tiny trees.
By: Rae Stoffel
Most people have normal rational fears, like the fear of clowns, or tornadoes. Things like that are typical. Don’t get me wrong, I’m terrified of those things too, I’m also terrified of bonsai trees.
I couldn’t tell you when this fear started, or why to be quite honest, but they scare the living shit out of me.
Have you ever looked a bonsai tree right in the face? Branch? Stem? I don’t know. Right into its creepy little leaves. They’ll instill fear into even the strongest of women.
Whenever I look at one, I get the chills. Their tiny tree trunks are the worst part for me. They look like really big tree tree trunks… which is what they are, but on a much smaller scale.
They look like the barbie version of trees, BUT THEY’RE REAL AND LIVING AND YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.
If you think about it ,the human version of bonsai trees is a barbie-sized human. Like one that can breathe and eat and speak. That freaks me the fuck out.
To my understanding, bonsai trees grow from the same seeds that regular sized-trees grow from, but bonsai trees are kept under careful watch and aren’t allowed to grow to their full potential.
That’s one of the things that scares me the most. Going back to the barbie-sized human analogy… to me that’s like cutting off a kid’s hand so they’ll stop growing and just stay small. It stunts the growth completely. WHY? WHY IS THAT AN ART?
Trimming something so it no longer has the ability to grow to what it could be seems like a crime to me.
My plant loving bestie has tried many times to reassure me that bonsai trees aren’t going to hurt me and that no one else equates them to barbie sized humans and that I’m just crazy. I’m not buying any of it.
I’m convinced that bonsai tree-ing (or whatever the action of trimming a bonsai tree is called) spurred from a cult and all bonsai-ers are spooky. Don’t trust anyone who has one in their house and most definitely don’t let your boyfriend drag you into the bonsai exhibit at your local gardens (I cried).
In conclusion, bonsai trees are Satan. Have a good day!