Say it with me you guys: “Underground racism is just as violent as blatant racism.” Now do it one more time for good measure. Listen y’all I am so tired of the unapologetic gaslighting people of color (PoC) fall victim to every time they decide to express themselves. When I say it is still racist out here, that is what I mean, and no amount of statistics nor personal anecdotes you have will change my mind.
I saw this etched into a table at the library today, keep in mind I sat at this same table a week ago and saw nothing, meaning it was a recent addition.
And to be honest y’all I got pissed, really pissed, because I don’t have the luxury of knowing who wrote this. So now I have to walk around and converse with other people, as if everything is fine, knowing that there are people in this school that feel this way about me. Don’t get me wrong, I always knew. I have went to the parties where Jay-Z says the n-word and everyone else decides they get to join in too. I have seen the Trump posters, and the confederate flags. So don’t get it in your mind that this library table fostered my first revelation. No, in fact, I have these relavations nearly every week, and it is so painful. Do y’all get how painful, isolating, and scary it is?
I have spent my life waiting for people to realize that their “freedom of speech” and “expression of culture” is hurting me. I am scared at Butler. I am scared outside of Butler. I am just scared. This fear cannot be waned by statistics, nor pictures of Obama, and quite frankly, I can’t see how anybody could actually believe that it would be. When I say, “I am uncomfortable with BUPD”, that is not an opportunity for you to tell me about black on black crime, nor is it an opportunity for you to talk about your Uncle Tony who is a cop, has in fact, ‘never shot a black guy before’. However, it is an opportunity for you to validate my feelings, and reassure me that you are a safe place, and that you will not perpetuate a culture of racism, underground or otherwise.
When I say underground racism I mean writing the n-word on a table/ saying it in a party void of black people. I mean posting racist shit online/ through anonymous forums. I mean your door locking, purse hiding, watchful eyes. I mean everything. If you think your snide and secret racism hurts less than blatant racism than you have obviously not been listening to your black peers.
Honestly you guys, I need Butler to do better because I am tired out here, we all are. Next time you hear a black person, or any minority, speak up about their experiences with oppression, believe them. Just because you haven’t sat at the table, doesn’t mean the table doesn’t exist.