Prep yourselves, ladies. It’s ranting time.
It’s October and I’m wearing shorts. It’s October and it’s going to be at least 80 degrees all week long. It’s October and I just want to wear my comfy sweaters. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??
Let me preface this for you a little. I’ve lived in the Chicago suburbs my entire life. The weather in Chicago is somewhat the worst. It’s fucking freezing cold a solid seven months of the year. Three of the remaining months are lukewarm. Then, it gets hot as hell for about one week, maybe two, max. and then the other month and a half or whatever ranges from 3974953 degrees to -5 degrees. This can happen in the span of three hours sometimes. Oh, and also it’s windy af rather often and floods a good amount in some parts.
As some old white guy once said, the weather in Chicago is actually a topic of conversation.
Other topics of conversation include
-The Cubs
-The Bears
-The Obama family
-“My kid’s high school is better than your kid’s high school” type banter
-The neighborhood squirrels
-The food at Karen’s grandpa’s funeral
Back to the point.
Chicago weather may be absolute trash 95% of the time, but at least I can wear my SWEATERS in OCTOBER @Indianapolis.
So it’s only been October for a hot sec, I get that, but even September was horrendous. Last week it was 90 degrees or above for like five consecutive days.
No, I did not go outside during that time.
Fun fact, I hate the heat almost as much as I hate Bonsai trees. I hate being in the heat, I hate being hot, I hate even being slightly toasty.
You can imagine my strong distaste for the lack of fall weather.
This morning I woke up to find that there was a high of 81 degrees. I shed a tear.
All I want to do is wear my chunky sweaters and my cute loafers and drink my tea.
I JUST WANT TO BE FALL AF.
I’m distraught and I plan on writing Trump a letter telling him he’s trash and also that I hate him. This has nothing to do with the fact that it’s fall but so totally not fall. Anyways… thanks, Trump.
Sincerely,
Overheating autumn enthusiast