Let’s be honest. As human beings, we all know that we have flaws. Our own expectations as well as those of the media constantly tell us that there is something wrong with the way we are. And while we are told over and over again that we need to accept our flaws because they “make us who we are,” it is almost impossible to ignore them. In today’s society, it is commonplace to focus on our flaws in the hopes that we will be able to improve or fix them. But the issue with focusing merely on our imperfections, besides the fact that some of them cannot be altered, is that we tend to ignore our strengths. Focusing on our flaws not only makes us feel that we need to apologize for them, but also that we need to apologize for who we are, including the things that make us awesome.
I came across this idea while reading Mindy Kaling’s book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (Which is hilarious by the way, I highly recommend adding it to your list of procrastination tactics). Through her comedic self-deprecating remarks, Mindy faces her flaws head on, but never apologizes for them. She writes, “I’m only marginally qualified to be giving advice at all. My body mass index is certainly not ideal, I frequently use my debit card to buy things that cost less than three dollars because I never have cash on me, and my bedroom is so untidy it looks like vandals ransacked the Anthropologie Sale section. I’m kind of a mess.” But while admitting to her faults, she also does an incredible job of unapologetically pointing out what makes her awesome: “I kind of killed it in college. You know that saying “big fish in a small pond”? At Dartmouth College, I was freakin’ Jaws in a community swimming pool.” But why is it so shocking that Mindy bragged about herself like that? Isn’t that wrong?
Actually, I think it is the opposite. Mindy is the perfect example of someone who isn’t afraid to own her flaws as well as her strengths. Mindy’s confidence and recognition of her successes does not make her a narcissist. Rather, by displaying a balance of confidence and humility, she is able to own her success, instead of dismissing it or allowing it to be overshadowed by her shortcomings.
This balance is a way of owning who you are, flaws and all. It’s ok to recognize that something we did was pretty amazing. “Hell yeah I got an A on that impossible exam.” “Yes, thank you, my fashion sense is definitely on point today.” There is no need to downgrade or apologize for our successes because we are so used to criticizing ourselves. Acknowledging the little things that make us awesome is no crime. We accomplish what we accomplish because we work hard, and we deserve to be proud of what we do. If we take a minute to focus on something, even a little thing, that we did well, all of those flaws we find ourselves worrying about seem to fade away. I say we all need to take advice from Mindy, no matter how messy her apartment is. We are all “freakin’ Jaws” at something, and we should not be afraid to flaunt it, no apologies necessary.