Technology injects itself into all of our relationships these days, whether we like it or not. Even the smallest little things on social media can alter the way we approach our friendships and relationships. At first, it’s great: you feel a little more excited than you care to admit about the fact that your crush took two seconds to double-click on your latest Instagram photo, but navigating the unique nuances this digital landscape gives to relationships can sometimes be downright exhausting.
When it comes to technology, there’s the downside to the high you feel when he likes your Insta or profile picture. When whatever kind of relationship you had with someone, whether it was a serious boyfriend or a casual hookup, ends, social media can cause somewhat of a dilemma.
It’s frustrating to continue receiving Snapchats from a guy you used to like: why can’t he just stop sending them if he’s made it clear he’s not interested anymore? Seeing his name on your phone is just a constant reminder of him that you don’t need. On the other hand, the less-than-ideal alternative is to remove him from your Snapchat friends list, which then might make you seem a little bitter. Because after all, it is just Snapchat, right?
What’s wrong with wanting to remove someone from social media? Nothing at all, but the issue with erasing someone from your digital presence is that it almost feels as if you’re intentionally giving him the cold shoulder when you pass him in person on campus. As our digital lives become increasingly intertwined with our social relationships, how do we navigate the politics of it? De-friending an ex on Facebook could be considered the virtual equivalent of taking a different path to class or eating in the Bison at a different time to avoid seeing him. Both are simply methods to consciously minimize awkward or unwanted encounters and to promote your own well-being. Seeing someone you’re trying to get over on a daily basis is certainly less than ideal, but because of the way technology works, it becomes significantly more difficult to subtly avoid someone since social media leaves a paper trail.
Fifteen years ago, being cordial to an ex probably consisted in a two-minute “how are you” conversation when you happened to run into each other. While we’re still striving to define what staying cordial with an ex means in the digital age, the lines are still blurry.
Double-clicking on a photo or sending a mass Snapchat to someone takes relatively no effort at all, but can have greater implications than we consider. I’ve often heard people complain that they feel manipulated, to an extent, about the illusions social media can create. Despite the fact that someone hasn’t taken the time to actually pick up the phone and call you to see how you’re doing, they are able to send more subtle message that they still remember who you are through strategic use of Instagram likes and Snapchats.
These are exchanges that we have been taught to value because of our digital addictions, but when they prove insubstantial, we can be left disappointed. We’re also programmed to feel as if reading too much into social media isn’t smart, but because of our tendency to continuously engage digitally, we can’t really help ourselves. This might sound slightly ridiculous, but a guy friend of mine recently described the concept of keeping a girl “sidelined” by avoiding seeing her in person, but continuing to send her Snapchats or likes so if he felt like hooking up with her in the future, she would be more likely to do so.
If disengaging in the digital world isn’t an option, being smart about it is crucial. If you’re hesitant about making things awkward by removing someone from social media, just do it. If it’s going to make you unhappy to continue seeing it, know that the other person will get over it eventually. Plus, you avoid falling into a pattern of staying connected to people who you