Genteel? Well bred? Polished?
Ever since I was a little girl, my mother and father taught me the ways of being a lady: stand up straight, cross your legs, keep your dress down, chew with your mouth closed. Being a lady meant being polite and learning the appropriate times to speak. Frankly, I grew up as a very quiet, passive little girl, afraid to speak my mind and offend strangers.
Until we moved to South Jersey.
Anyone who’s watched “Jersey Shore” on MTV can tell you that the ladylike ideals of the Victorian era aren’t exactly upheld in the trashiness that is the armpit of America. While I don’t agree with the Jersey girl stereotype of an Italian Snooki fake tan, I will advocate for a few lessons I learned in how to be independent and real. Jersey women are taught to speak their minds, walk tall and confidently, and not to give a sh*t about what other people think. So screw embodying the synonyms above. Here’s what New Jersey taught me about being real and why the “lady” concept is mostly irrelevant:
Be straightforward.
Being “calm, cool, and collected” is overrated. Tell people what you’re thinking and speak up. Don’t gloss over what you really mean by talking in circles or white lies just to protect people’s feelings. In New Jersey, a girl is encouraged to tell people how she feels. You can always count on your Jersey girl friends to tell you how that dress really looks on you or when she really just wants to be left alone. She won’t circle around her feelings with a guy, she’ll tell him straight up. So take a lesson from the Jersey girls: don’t stifle your issues in the name of politeness. People would much rather know what’s going through your mind.
Order the cheesesteak. And the milkshake. And don’t give a sh*t.
Apparently, being lady-like requires you to never control. In a wikiHow article on how to be a lady, the author says that using profanity and overeating are activities of overindulgence and therefore, unladylike. While I’m all for being healthy and keeping in control, f*ck this author for judging me at the dinner table. If I feel like indulging myself every once in a while, I shouldn’t have to worry what other people are thinking. Growing up in New Jersey taught me that it’s okay to go to the diner with your friends and pig out every once in a while. It’s also okay to drop a couple of curse words when you’re feeling angry. Have confidence in your decisions and know that it’s okay to let loose every once in a while.
Stand up for your friends and yourself.
When I was 11, a boy in my class picked on me and I did nothing about it in an effort to remain well-mannered and composed. That was until the girl who sat next to me told him to “shut the f*ck up” and that she would “beat the sh*t” out of him if he spoke to me like that again. He never did bother me again and I learned that standing up for myself was more important than remaining ladylike. I also realized how important it was to stick up for your friends because it can be hard to combat the dated ladylike etiquette we grew up learning.
Suck it up.
If you’ve ever driven on the Turnpike, you’ll understand that you can’t be meek and mild and drive in the state of New Jersey. If you cried every time someone beeped their horn at you or flipped you off in the name of road rage, you wouldn’t last two days in Jersey. Driving in the Garden State taught me how to toughen up and not be intimidated by other people around you.
Dress for yourself.
Being ladylike requires dressing “properly.” Screw it. In New Jersey, girls compete to wear the most outrageous, standout prom dresses. They don’t worry about what their grandma thinks and don’t seek approval from their boyfriends. They pick out their clothes based on their own agendas and couldn’t care less what other people think. Although I personally don’t advocate for exposing myself on a night out, the takeaway from the Jersey dress code is that dressing for yourself will make you happier. If you want to wear sweats to class everyday, by all means.
Ignore the b*tches.
Finally, Jersey girls don’t take sh*t from anyone. They don’t care what people think. They exude confidence and carefree attitudes. Being ladylike is essentially catering to the judgments of the people around you… why bother? It’s way more fun to be around someone who’s always completely herself and not giving into the dated conformity of behaving like a lady. Forget the fake facades or pretentious sophistication in the name of “femininity.” Growing up a Jersey girl taught me to be myself and f*ck the haters.
Inspiring sources: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/04/04/nyregion/proudly-answering-to-jersey-girl.html; http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/dont-be-lady-be-real/975201/; http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a38233/things-you-should-know-about-dating-a-jersey-girl/