Ho ho holy s***, what if you run into your high school ex over winter break? Sure, you’ve moved on (maybe) and don’t even think about them anymore. However, when you run into them at the local bagel store or at a party, memories may come flooding back. Regardless of whether or not you still have feelings for them, things can be awkward, especially based on how the relationship ended.
Encounters with your ex will depend strongly on your feelings and the overall situation of your current relationship. The right way to go about the interaction will differ depending on whether they are alone, with friends, or with a new significant other. However, as a general rule of thumb, here are some tips and things to consider when coming in contact with your ex:
Appearance:
Always be prepared. Jodi R. Smith, the president and owner of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, says that, “if you roll out of bed, barely brush your hair and head for the mall, Murphy’s law states that you will definitely run smack into your ex.” When you are out and about, make sure to feel confident and prepared so that you can focus on the conversation rather than stressing about what you look like!
Conversations:
It is best to ask how they are doing as well as how their family is doing. Topics of conversation can also be holiday plans or how their semester was. You want to keep the conversation casual and friendly. Be conscious to not sound stalkerish or too obsessive, even though you know their sister’s birthday was the other week or that they have tickets to that concert tomorrow night.
Carole Lieberman, M.D. psychiatrist, suggests observing their body language in order to determine how they are feeling about the conversation. Take note of how much space they keep between you and them or if they are leaning in or away from you. This will help determine if you should carry on the conversation or shorten it and say your goodbyes.
If they dart the other way when you make eye contact with them, do not take offense. It is just as awkward for them as it is for you. If they are with friends or a significant other, confidently smile and wave, and continue walking.
Unwanted Situations:
- If you see your ex at a party or nearby bar and they are clearly with someone: First and foremost, take a breath and remember they do not have the power to ruin your day. Engage in a group conversation that will distract you and let them see you are having a good time without them. If you do interact with them, keep the conversation short and polite.
- If your ex texts you to hang out: Tell them in a polite way that you are very busy with the holidays and don’t think you have the time!
- If your ex texts you at 2am on a Friday night: Ignore it or respond in the morning in a very casual, yet not interested way!
- You run into your ex’s siblings or parents instead: Impress them with your maturity! Focus on yourself and how your semester went! Wish them a happy holiday to end the conversation.
Hitting up your ex or your ex hitting you up:
You are ultimately going to do what you think is best. However, keep in mind that the relationship ended for a reason. If you feel that there is still opportunity there or the timing wasn’t right last time, then go for it! Proceed with caution and keep things light, focusing on good and happy topics. Avoid bringing up anything that may start an argument.
If you are worried about seeing them again, go out in a group the first time you hang out and plan an activity to do together.
After the encounter, calm yourself down. You will inevitably text your friends, but do not overanalyze it. Be proud of yourself for handling it!