Ah, sticky bras and Spanx: a collegiette’s ultimate saviors when facing major wardrobe malfunctions.
The Sticky Bra: both strapless and backless, an adhesive bra worn under low-cut, see-through, or backless garments.
Sometimes interchanged with: sticky boobs, Band-Aids, and Pasty Petals
Slang: stickies
Used in a sentence: “Those sleeves are too low cut for you to wear that bra. Put on your stickies and show off some side boob!” (1) “The back of your shirt is sick! But your bra’s ruining it. Just put on Band-Aids!” (2)
Spanx: available in nude, black, and tan, these form-fitting shapers allow you to “stand out without sucking in.”
Sometimes recognized as: magic skinny shorts
Used in a sentence: “UGH, I shouldn’t have eaten all those wings after Super Sat. I feel too gross to wear this dress.” “Those wings were totally worth it, just put on your Spanx!”
Why we use them (1): They’re invisible. The seamless trim of paste-ons and the sleek finish of spandex body-shapers allow you to avoid VPL (Visible Panty Lines) at all costs.
Why we use them (2): Let’s be honest- his name starts with an M or B and you’ll be seeing him later…
Granted, they get the job done and you look damn good dancing on that riser. But, what happens when your dance floor make out starts to get a bit frisky? Hot, handsy, and no longer hidden, you can bet that he will regret his corny line about “that dress looking better on his floor.” Silicon boobies and fabric-packed waist exposed, this cannot be happening right now!
But what is it that makes this encounter so awkward? Is it the caught-off-guard reaction to the unexpected sight and touch? Or, is it the absence of appreciation for a fashion item that makes or breaks an outfit? Whatever it is…it’s so, totally embarrassing! So how do we still wear these treasured articles, yet avoid the uncomfortable encounter that follows? With the help of anonymous Bucknellians, we can come up with a few techniques.
Hold on, BRB…
Time to ditch those suckers.
Remember: bathroom stalls are your friends!
“Just ditch them in the nearest bathroom stall! Stick the boobies to the wall, your Spanx behind the toilet. Go back later to get them! He never has to know!” – Sophomore
“I once was just like uhh I gotta pee one sec, ran to the bathroom and stuffed that baby underneath his bathroom sink… So like, word on the street is that his roommate wears Spanx…” – Junior
If you’re pressed for time, get creative!
“Mid make out I threw my sticky boobs behind the oven in the house’s kitchen and then went back to the boy to continue.” – Senior
“Things were heating up and he left the room to go to the bathroom. So really quick I ripped them off and stuffed them under his mattress. He’s in for a surprise on move out day.” – Junior
Ask yourself what’s more important; hooking up with this may-or-may-not-be-cute-only-through-my-beer-goggles frat star, or your $40 shape-wears? Sometimes it will be your guy, and other times it will be your shape-wears!
“A boy put his hand up my shirt when we were dancing and he felt my sticky bra. He then ran away. Guess he wasn’t into lop-sided jelly boobs.” -Junior
Okay, he saw or felt them. Now what?
In many cases, your guy might be just as nervous as you are.
“I had Band-Aids on my boobs. Forgot about them. Went back with a boy. He saw/felt them and started asking questions as to whether or not my boobs had scrapes on them….” – Junior
“He took my shirt off. Surprised by what he found, he asked, ‘Do you actually have nipples underneath or did you have them surgically removed? Is that why these Band- Aid things are on them?’” – Senior
Intoxicated and confused, guys don’t even know what to think. The ball is in your court! Make it a joke and laugh it off.
“I kid you not…a boy asked if he could try on my sticky bra! They think it’s funny!” -Freshman
Keep rocking your sticky boobs and Spanx, and remember; any guy who doesn’t value how hot you looked in that outfit due to those babies doesn’t deserve you!