Dear Bucknellians of the heterosexual male variety: I invite you to imagine the following scenario.
You’re out doing your thing one night, jamming to the tunes of The Chainsmokers or B.o.B in a sweaty downtown house. A girl dancing next to you catches your eye and, well…the rest is history. Before you know it, you’re back in her room – you might even spend the night. This pattern repeats itself with the same girl, maybe three or four times: you go out alone, you go home together, and you leave each other before the sun comes up. What’s your next move?
For far too many of you, the default move seems to be cutting ties with the girl “before she gets too attached.” You start to dodge her at parties, you stop responding to her Snapchats – all for her own good, right? Since she OBVIOUSLY wants a relationship and you DEFINITELY do not, you’re doing her a favor by disappearing…aren’t you?
Actually, no – by assuming that every woman you sleep with wants to date you, you are only perpetuating the disconnect between men and women on campus (not to mention thinking awfully highly of yourself). As much as we’d like to deny it, we cannot read each other’s minds. This means that when you ghost a girl you’ve been hooking up with, instead of automatically understanding your foolproof logic, she will wrack her brain for hours, trying to figure out what she did “wrong” that turned you away. And you can bet that if you aren’t transparent and straight up with her, she will fabricate answers for herself, slandering you to all her friends in the process. (Pro tip: if you’re simply not feeling it anymore, it’s always smarter and more respectful to be as honest as you can, as soon as you can.)
This trope isn’t fair to either of you, but above all, it’s rooted in one major misconception: that all women want to be in a relationship. This simply is not true. Far more often than you’d think, women want to have fun, spontaneous, no-strings-attached sex just like men do. We understand the reluctance to put a label on things, and just because we may enjoy having you as a reliable companion on Wednesday and Friday nights, doesn’t mean we want you to meet our parents. (No, seriously.)
Since Bucknell’s hookup culture is so pervasive, the thought of being in an exclusive relationship can feel like a restriction on your freedom. Women get that, and many of us agree. If you share this hesitation, fear not! Unless the girl you’re seeing explicitly asks to define your relationship, you have no reason to assume that she wants to be in one. Save yourself the stress and just enjoy the sex – that’s all we’re trying to do, anyway.