Sex is never what you expect it to be, especially when it’s your first time. For all of its glory in movies, losing your virginity can be – and usually is – far from glamorous. Part of this stems from the idea that when we attach “first” to any sexual word, the resulting combination means something entirely different, as first implies a sense of innocence that is about to be taken away, lost forever. Therefore, the connotations have been socially constructed so that a kiss is familiar and common, but a first kiss demands a story. Who was it with? How old were you? Where were you? And as much as you want to romanticize your answers to be like a Nicholas Sparks movie, there’s beauty in what was once unfamiliar: nervous lips, the stopping of speech, the beginning of everything.
But even more so than first kisses, we anticipate the moment we lose our virginities. And for many, it’s a rite of passage, a step in the process of maturing. It’s intimate. It’s vulnerable. It’s unpredictable. But among the many adjectives that go along with virginity, we’re told that losing it should be reserved for someone who you love, someone who deserves to take it from you. But what if we changed the discussion? What if losing your virginity was about you and not your partner?
Maybe you lost it to your high school sweetheart. Maybe it was a one-night stand. Or maybe you don’t even remember his/her name. No matter the experience, the point is that it’s your virginity. It’s your choice. And with each choice comes a story. Some are romantic, others are underwhelming, and most are simply awkward. But they all have one thing in common: a jump into the unknown. Her Campus talked to Bucknell women about what they wish they had known before they had sex for the first time, and here’s what they said:
Sex can be the next logical step in your relationship
“I always thought that losing your virginity is the pinnacle of a relationship. As someone who waited awhile to have sex, I wish I realized that it’s really only a natural progression of a relationship. It makes me wonder if it would have been more fun to lose my virginity earlier in my relationship.”
“I wish I had known that it wasn’t going to be as big of a deal physically as I thought it would be. I had pretty much hit all of the other bases beforehand, so it felt like the natural next step.”
…Or it can completely ruin a relationship
“I wish it was emphasized that having sex with a friend can be fun, but it can also ruin a friendship.”
“I wish I had known he had a girlfriend….”
Sex can play with your emotions
“The first time I had sex I kept crying because I felt like I was supposed to feel different or be this new person. I wish I had known that it’s okay to feel the same.”
Sex can be gross
“I wish I had known about all of the noises that come along with sex.”
“I had no idea that if a condom is not used, cum can – and will – drip out once you stand up.”
Sex doesn’t classify relationships
“I wish I had known that while sex is a big part of a relationship, it isn’t the entire thing. I had always built up having sex for the first time in my head as this huge turning point, but really there are other important aspects and more depth to a relationship.”
Sex is a learning process
“I wish I had experimented more on my own before the first time I had sex so I would know what to ask for.”
“I wish I hadn’t been afraid to say what hurt and what felt good. It took experience to learn that confidence is extremely sexy in the bedroom.”
And how awesome sex can be
“I wish I had known how much I’d like it.”