At some point or another, every collegiette faces the question of whether or not she should stay friends with her ex. There are a lot of factors to take into consideration when trying to decide what to do in this situation. On one hand, your ex may have been your go-to person for the months (or maybe even years) that you were together, so you still want to have that friendship with them. But on the other hand, you have a history together – and potentially lingering feelings for each other – that can easily complicate your friendship, as well as future relationships. Ultimately, it comes down to one question: What is best for you and your happiness?
Before making any decisions, it is crucial for both parties to give each other some space to try to move on. Going straight from a romantic relationship, with all of its feelings and intimacy, into a platonic friendship is nearly impossible: it is hard to let go of the habits of being in a relationship, especially if one or both of you still has feelings for the other.
Another potential problem with staying friends after a breakup is the prospect of false hope: one person may be hoping staying friends could mean eventually getting back together in the future. In this scenario, the friendship will suffer, because you may feel like you have to hide things from each other to avoid hurting feelings, which, in any case, is not healthy. Additionally, if the two of you are dealing with your breakup in different ways, one of you could emotionally move on much faster, thus hurting the other.
Something else to consider is how friendship with your ex would impact you and your life, not just the friendship itself. If you rush into a friendship, you don’t give each other the time to experience life apart, which runs the risk of holding both parties back from moving on. If you never completely get over your ex, your future relationships may suffer.
To put it bluntly: if the relationship ended, there was obviously something wrong within it, so keeping your ex around does not exactly rid you of the toxic parts of your relationship. Negative emotions, such as guilt, jealousy, pain, or anger, may linger between you two, which would not only complicate a potential friendship, but also have a negative impact on your well-being.
So, can you really be friends with your ex? In some cases, sure. For the most part, however, there are just too many risks associated with trying to stay friends that will do you more harm than good in the long run. Just because you “can” remain friends with an ex, should you? It may hurt to accept this, but probably not.