At Bucknell, dating culture is not prominent; it’s pretty clear that the infamous “hookup culture” triumphs across the student body. Every Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday night, people pair off and slip away from the noisy dance floor. For a lot of girls (and guys), going home with someone is an end goal, regardless of whether or not the two people feel a connection.
Just because many Bucknellians aren’t seeking relationships doesn’t mean we aren’t seeking anyone. The idea of being “somebody’s,” even if only for a night, is so appealing that it often compels us to do foolish things – like going home with a guy you know is an a**-hat just because he has six pack abs and doesn’t live too far away.
There’s nothing wrong with riding this rollercoaster of a lifestyle…until it becomes unfulfilling. How many times waking up in someone else’s bed and exchanging a few awkward sober words does it take before we ask what we’re doing, and why? What do we get out of being “somebody’s” for a night – was it really worth it? (Did it really make us happier than 1 a.m. Dominoes would have?)
We screw ourselves over when we strive more to become “somebody’s” than “somebodies” – when we care more about having someone to leave the party with than about figuring out who we even are. By seeking the former, we almost always put the desires of someone else before our own. This isn’t to say it is wrong to engage in spontaneous flings; they should just be done for the right reasons – namely, because you want to, not because you just want a body to sleep next to or a story to tell your friends. When hookups are motivated by a need for attention rather than innate pleasure or excitement, they can lead to feelings of emptiness, loneliness, or regret.
College is the time to search for what you want, not who you want. It is imperative now more than ever to be selfish, be ambitious, and be yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping alone…or eating lunch alone, or going to the library alone, or walking to class alone. Being alone is when you become best in touch with yourself. By spending time alone, or at least spending it not chasing boys, you become more comfortable in your own skin. You won’t know the best version of yourself unless you focus on getting to know her.
Sure, there are times when all you want is to kiss someone cute and see what happens. Let these moments come, and pursue them. But when you’d rather peace at 11:45 and get in line for the Flyson than trek back uphill to his dorm, don’t think twice; follow your gut. You deserve to make yourself happy, because when you are, you won’t rely on anyone else for validation. Genuine happiness will always stem from within.