I’m assuming the majority of college girls have mastered the classic etiquette rules from no chewing with your mouth open to putting your napkin on your lap; I’m assuming a universal awareness of “millennial” etiquette rules like no texting at the table as well. One thing, however, that Emily Post neglected to teach us was the financial protocol for a date; rudely leaving thousands of first date goers in that awkward, “um me, no uh you, um… let’s split it” situation.
There’s nothing worse than coming home after a first date to a Venmo request for half the bill when you assumed your date had been gentleman enough to pay for dinner. Trust me, it has happened to me (and clearly I’m not the only one). There is absolutely nothing wrong with splitting a bill, but please, let’s have a conversation about it first.
The new trend seems to be that the person who initiates the date should pay the bill, yet sometimes that can be ambiguous. If you are modern and progressive, this rule seems to be adequate and can apply to not only the first date but throughout a relationship. If you want to go to a fancy restaurant or drink $16-dollar espresso martinis, it seems fair that you should be responsible for paying. Then again it may be fair, but if you are a hopeless romantic who thinks chivalry is the epitome of a good date then you may have strong feelings regarding this. If you are, I think it is perfectly reasonable to expect the man to pay on the first date (I do). This is in a fantasy world where the man would always pay and would always take you to fancy & hip restaurants, but of course, this isn’t feasible for most guys. For the first date though? They should be able to foot the bill. Feel uncomfortable about it? Make sure they pick the place, so it is within their price range. Or if you want to cut the awkwardness altogether then opt for a free first date.
After the first date (okay maybe the first few dates), I think the aforementioned strategy is most logical (i.e. taking turns so no one bears all the financial burden and resentment doesn’t build within the relationship). Note: this can be terribly hard because it is so nice when someone buys you food; But, it is the loving, compromising way to exist. There are other strategies to help alleviate financial awkwardness like cooking for each other or having a designated date night, but that’s between you and your SO.
But let’s imagine the guy doesn’t offer to foot the bill (#awkward), what do you do then? First, it is always polite to offer and make a more than half-hearted reach for your wallet. If the guy says he has it, then it is up to him to pay. If he Venmos you after don’t bother with a second date… seriously a guy can speak up and ask you to split the bill, but hiding behind Venmo is so not cool.
Who pays seems to be a question of finding the right guy as much as it is about finances. A well-brought up gentleman should be able to handle the “who pays” situation with finesse, even if it results in splitting the bill. But if you are looking for a great way to make your guy’s night (after the first date) or show them how special they are, it is always in vogue to offer to pay the bill.