I guarantee that we all know someone who has had roommate trouble, if not ourselves. So having a roommate, especially for the first time, can be a scary thought. But that doesn’t mean the experience will be the death of you. Pay attention to this guide and you just may survive having a college roommate.
Show Common Courtesy. A.K.A. being polite and showing a little respect. It’s not difficult. It doesn’t require a ton of energy. It’s common sense. If your roommate is sound asleep, don’t slam doors and dresser drawers as if you’re a drummer creating a beat. If you leave hair in the sink or tub, please remove it. If your roommate is studying, don’t create a concert atmosphere by blasting music. Again, this may sound common sensical. But these are common issues that roommates have. You are sharing this room together, so be respectful of your roommate’s time, feelings, and space.
Make Cleaning Arrangements. To avoid confrontations regarding the cleanliness of your shared space, set boundaries. The sooner, the better! Here are three steps to follow:
- Define clean. Be mindful that your roommate may not have the same definition of clean as you do. Discuss what clean means to each of you. Then meet in the middle, if you happen to largely disagree, and determine what standards you both want to meet to ensure your space is clean.
- Devise a cleaning schedule. Decide what works best for both of you. Maybe a weekly schedule? Bi-weekly? Perhaps, once a month? Create a simple list or table showing what chores need to be done, when the task should be done, and who is responsible for doing it. You could take turns doing specific tasks, alternate between cleaning shifts, or share the responsibility equally during the cleaning period.
- Enforce the cleaning arrangements. Perhaps the most important step to maintaining a clean room, sticking to the plan is often difficult. But both parties must be willing to pull their own weight. There’s no need for slacking.
Don’t Borrow Without Asking. It’s NEVER a good idea to use something that belongs to your roommate without permission. Nor is it okay for your roommate to do the same. Establish some rules. What’s off limits? Is there anything you would consider sharing? As your relationship with your roommate progresses, you may become more comfortable with one another and loaning your possessions. But it is always a safe and good idea to ask your roommate before using something that belongs to her.
Communication Is Key. It sounds like a cliché and we’ve heard it many times before. But that’s because it’s true and just may be the best piece of advice anyone could give. In giving relationship advice, a friend once told me, “Guy’s aren’t always the smartest. They don’t know what you want and you can’t expect them to make changes unless you tell them. They just won’t get it on their own.” Not that your roommate isn’t smart, but the same advice applies in this case. You can’t expect her to make a change or fix a problem that you have unless she’s aware that there’s an issue. So let her know what’s bothering you. Addressing the problem is the first step to solving it. When it comes to communication, here are a few things to remember:
- Don’t be passive aggressive: If you have something to say…say it! Be direct.That doesn’t mean you have to be rude. But being shy, making snide remarks or notes, or beating around the bush will you get you nowhere.
- Address a problem sooner than later: Don’t let your anger or annoyance brew inside of you. If you do, you may have a mini volcanic eruption inside of you and approach your roommate negatively when you explode. Give yourself time to cool off and then address your roommate as soon as possible.
- Don’t talk without taking time to listen: Communication is a two-way street and you can’t do it alone. Express yourself, but allow your roommate that same luxury. DONT PRETEND to listen by “shutting-up”, while actually ignoring her. Take the time to hear her so that you can understand her side and respond effectively.
Being BFF’s Isn’t Necessary. Understand that having a roommate doesn’t imply that you have an automatic college best friend, especially if this is your first year. While being close to your roommate may help sharing your space easier, it is not necessary. You do not have to do everything together. It’s okay to have your own friends, activities, and interests. In fact, it is better to have a separate life that doesn’t involve your roommate. Spending too much time together may make your relationship claustrophobic. Give each other space and time to develop other relationships. At the end of the day, when you’re both back at home, it will make your relationship healthier and stronger, and give you more to talk about together.
Remember, having a roommate doesn’t have to ruin your college experience. It doesn’t take much to be a good roommate. And believe it or not, it is possible to survive. Just be patient, courteous, and communicate well. Creating an enjoyable roommate experience may just take a little time.
Still feeling skeptical about surviving your roommate? Check out College Candy’s Ten Commandments of Being a Good Roommate:
- Thou shall not borrow a roommate’s possession without asking first
- Thou shall not pig out on a roommate’s food
- Thou shall not turn the bathroom into a public restroom
- Thou shall not leave passive aggressive notes
- Thou shall not be an obsessive showerer
- Thou shall take out the trash
- Thou shall not have friends over unannounced
- Thou shall listen to movies (or music) on his or her computer with earphones
- Thou shall not make a racket while the other roommate is sleeping
- Thou shall not openly dislike your roommate’s significant other
You and your roommate could try posting these commandments in your room and living by these rules. Good luck roomies!