Despite what the haters say, being an English major is amazing! You get to read novels for credit and spend your college career discussing the Great Gatsby and Anna Karenina in class instead of desperately trying to avoid breaking a beaker in your Chem 101 class or attempting to figure out just exactly what ‘x’ is. So, potential/current English majors, fret no more because here are some reasons you should feel fantastic about majoring in the *coolest* subject ever!
1. You’ll develop an amazing sense of humor
Not only will you be able to crack jokes at your own expense before Grand-Aunt Linda does, you’ll be able to make incredibly hilarious references to archaic novels like Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging and the Wimpy Kid of course.
2. You’ll get to read for homework
For all you bookworms out there, this should be heaven on earth because while all your Computer Science friends will be trying to learn some crazy hard programming and weirdly named language like “Python” or “C++”, you’ll be chilling in the library reading the Great Gatsby and totally judging the crap out of Daisy for being the literal *worst* character in the history of terrible love interests. And then judging Gatsby for being a flaky weirdo who is obsessed with this terrible character.
3. You have an excuse for drinking way too much coffee
This goes without saying, obviously, but it’s a tradition that all English majors will constantly be either lounging around in their pajamas with a steaming hot cup of coffee or panic-gulping several shots of espresso 5 minutes before their paper is due.
4. You’ll keep a diary unironically
Even though some people may think it’s childish and useless in this age of technology, you still believe in the good, ole’ fashioned way of writing on physical paper with a solid pen. It’s therapeutic and may even be the way you start you first thesis/paper/novel.
5. Oh yeah, you’ll probably write a book
This is my plan! Because you, my friend, have read so many books and also have several favorite authors and have great writing skills, you could just become the next J.K. Rowling or, you know, Ernest Hemingway. Or you could just channel Gossip Girl and write a gossip column and become super famous in the dodgiest way possible!
6. You can people watch all day for inspiration
Another absolutely surprisingly fun thing that you can do without it being creepy or strange. Just sitting at Starbucks and gazing at the myriad of people who get Pumpkin Spice Lattes might just awaken your inner Gertrude Stein, who coined the phrase, “a piece of coffee.”
7. Your friends will pay you for your editing skills
Think about it, how many people rush to write their paper the day before it’s due and are too lazy to purchase Grammarly? The answer: a ton! That is where you, very handy English major, come in. With your obsession with the Oxford comma, (also known as the Harvard comma, FYI) and proper punctuation and spelling (see: you’re, your) you will be rewarded handsomely by said friends in plenty of coffee and lattes from Starbucks!
8. You don’t need to be good at math
Whenever you fail at Math 101, or whatever it’s called these days, you can use the line: “Oh, I’m an English major, it’s fine!” And it’s a totally legit excuse because everyone ALREADY thinks you suck at anything besides deconstructing modernist literature written post-Industrial Revolution.
9. Seriously, you develop a sense of empathy
Empathy studies have shown that avid readers have stronger senses of empathy compared to those who don’t read as much. Researchers think that it has to do with understanding and being exposed to a wide range of characters and seeing things from their perspective. So, you basically become an awesome and caring person.
10. You have mastered the art of writing a paper in 30 minutes
Because English is essentially an open-ended and opinion-based subject (which you probably have a ton of), you can just let your creative juices flow and create a masterpiece on the significance of the green light in ‘The Great Gatsby.’ Hint: it’s representative of his desires for the future, like DAISY! But another story for another day.