I would be lying if I said I am not afraid to leave the comfort of Acworth, GA. I would be lying if I said I am so comfortable with my writing skills that I can confidently apply for an internship at People Magazine (which I did). I would be lying if I told you that I think I am mentally capable of reaching my goals. I would even be lying if I told you that I have even half of my goals written down somewhere.
I have finally become the 20-year-old that every adult told me about. I feel lost. I don’t think I am where I need to be on the search toward my career. Adulthood is getting closer and closer, and time is pushing me there faster than my feet are moving. You could say the bottom of my shoes are heavily scuffed from the momentum and resistance of being pushed on this road toward all of the things I said I wanted when I was eight years old.
Every day I wonder if I will really ever make it where I expect to be. Am I going to have that show on CNN that seemed so easy to attain when I was little? Or was I just one of the outgoing children that every adult thought should be on TV? Do I really know how to use Adobe Audition, or am I just playing myself?
In my twenties, I think I need to do some serious soul searching because I think my time might be coming, and my heart rate is stressing out at how close that time might be. Adulthood was something I anticipated for a very long time, but part of me still feels like I am not mentally ready for everything I want. Nor do I necessarily understand everything I want.
My greatest desire is to fight racism and capitalism with journalism. It is still my greatest desire to become an expert in whatever I need to in order to fight these things with the power of the tongue and the pen. But how do I do that? Am I even qualified to do that now? How qualified am I really to speak on racism when I am only in college. There are people who study racism, sexism, classism, and all of the other “isms, and phobias” with their life. Who am I to only give my opinion in the hope that someone will listen and change their life based on my words? I often wonder are opinions, journalistic expertise, and passion enough to put up a good fight? OR is the fight now played out? Will anyone want to hear what I have to say?
My goals for my twenties are to write every day. I will write anything and post it. Whenever I have the time, I will write anything that is on my mind, even if it just means writing an adaptation of “Mary Had a Little Lamb.”
Once a week, and at the least, biweekly, I will try to release a podcast episode on my soundcloud. Because I need to get better at audio editing. Once a month, I should try to make a video, because I have to get better at using Adobe Premiere.
The two most important goals of my twenties include holding myself accountable and praying. I am one of the laziest people I know, and I know this about myself. I live for convenience. I live for myself. I live to just get finished. I have so many interesting essays I’ve started, but have not finished. In my computer rests unedited sound bites about why you are not allowed to touch my locs, why Donald Trump is a leech, and why the Perception Institutes study on black hair was not revolutionary. I am one of the greatest creators I know, but I am not good at holding myself accountable and just taking the due diligence of editing. Finishing audio assignments and video assignments for class are never difficult, but simply creating something for myself is something I can’t seem to bring myself to do.
This year, in my 21st year of life, I plan to change that. I plan to invest in myself, my computer, my equipment, and more so I can be the best journalist and creator I can be. I will make, and be something. I will make, and I will be many things.