With Halloween fast approaching many at Brandeis are surely planning out their costumes, stocking up on candy and getting themselves in the Halloween mood. But no matter your costume or your plans for the 31st, Halloween is about the scares. It wouldn’t be right if the holiday didn’t involve at least something slightly scary. So if you think your Halloween may lack a little on the horror factor, here are some suggestions on how to scare your fellow Brandeisians.
Disable the Branvan trackers:
This horror has already been a reality multiple times this semester, so we all know how scary it can be. When the Branvans are running but the trackers aren’t working, uncertainty sweeps over campus. It causes students to question themselves; is the Branvan late, or was it just missed by a second? How long does one wait before he gives up and walks- eight, ten minutes? But that’s already the majority of the fifteen minute cycle that the Branvans are supposed to stick to, so isn’t it just worth it to wait? These questions cause inner turmoil. This trick is a cruel one. It borders on psychological warfare and should only be used if one’s Halloween is in dire need of scariness.
Meatless Mondays at Sherman:
For the carnivores of your friend group, this is an effective way to terrify them and make them fear for the safety of their dinner. The dining halls at Brandeis, especially after Sodexo took over last year, have received a lot of flack from the student body. Some might say there is little variety to be had, and even less execution to be admired in the food here, so watch your friend’s face shrivel in fear as he learns the important lesson in life that the beast you know is better than the beast you don’t know. And meatless Mondays is that unknown beast.
Ignore Bulb Safety Protocols:
This scare requires a little more tactfulness. Under section 9.15.a. of the widely read Brandeis “Housing Rights and Responsibilities” it is clearly stated which bulbs are permitted in campus housing. Get your friend out of his room for 30-45 minutes while some of your other friends decorate his room with non-LED string lights. When he gets back to his room cover your ears because the screams will be loud. He will shriek in terror as “String lights may only be used if the bulbs are LEDs” bounces around his mind from all the times he read over the housing rights and responsibilities.
Brandeis Football Joke:
This Halloween make your friends loose their minds as you constantly repeat the Brandeis football team joke. Tell your friends, as well as random passers by, that “Our Football team has been undefeated since 1959.” It is important that you tell this joke with a straight face, as if you meant to actually be original and funny. If your friends push you on the joke do not back down in insisting that you made up the joke and you’ve never heard anyone else tell it before. You will know you pulled of the scare correctly if by the sixteenth time you’ve told the joke in one night you friends begin questioning either their sanity, or their friendship with you.
Failing out of school:
Lastly comes the big scare. It is intricate and time consuming, as it will probably not work until about six months after Halloween, but it is worth seeing the look on your friend’s face when you pull it off. This scare works best with upperclassmen who are time crunched to get requirements done. As most know, registration for spring 2016 is coming up at the end of the month. For this scare, you need to sneak into your friend’s room, change all his clocks, calendars and event notifications to a few days earlier. This way when registration rolls around your friend will probably miss signing up for most of his important classes. With this step done, your friend will fear for his future as he can’t complete his major and graduate. Scary, right? The best part is that as he watches his fellow classmates graduate and move on into the real world while he remains trapped in Waltham, you get to look him in the eyes and say “Happy Halloween.”