How I Met Your Mother, “The Slutty Pumpkin”
“How can a pumpkin costume be sexy? It was carved in strategic places.” I love this episode for a few reasons. Firstly, I absolutely adore this show, so that always helps, but the storyline about couples and waiting for the “right” person, while sappy, is done well because it’s HIMYM. Also, there are some great quintessential HIMYM moments, like when Lily, Marshall and Barney are able to tell the slutty pumpkin story word for word or when Lily begs Robyn to bring her new boyfriend out with an enthusiastic “come on, Robyn, try out your new fella; let us judge and evaluate him behind your back. It will be fun!” There are cringe-worthy moments during the double date scenes, but it’s made up for with lines such as “I am not a gay pirate! I have sex with my parrot all the time… That came out wrong” and Ted’s claim that “Halloween is a night of wonder and magic” which is followed by the gang’s group *groan.* It is too early to call this a “classic” episode? I’m going to do that anyways. It’s a classic!
Suite Life of Zack and Cody, “Ghost of 613”
Okay, so this is not actually a Halloween-themed episode, but it is about conjuring up ghost spirits, so I think that counts. Real talk: This show was pretty fantastic in its prime. So if you’re feeling like laughing at something adorable and hilariously creepy, take some time off from being a real person and get your butt over to Netflix. And remember, you’re supposed to wait an hour after having lunch before you dive into the supernatural!
My So-Called Life, “Halloween”
Fun fact: I am OBSESSED with this show. It really is the best, and I haven’t gotten over its cancellation, even though I was about a year old when it aired. Basically Angela has flashbacks to the ’63 Halloween dance, a night when some kid, Nicky Driscoll, died. It’s creepy, it’s cool and it has ’60s flashbacks—what can be better? Obviously Rayanne decides to break into school (“at 9 because it’s, like, a witchy number!”) to conjure up Nicky’s spirit, and obviously they get locked in the school. Thanks, Brian. Then things get weird when Angela starts seeing visions of Nicky and dramatically cries out to “save his life” or whatever, and there’s an awkward parent sex scene with costumes that freaks me out a bit. But, like every MSCL episode, there are bunch of awesome lines: Rayanne’s timeless advice to “watch out for those dead guys, they’ll break your heart” or the sisterly advice Sharon gives to Danielle—“promise me you won’t let boys drain all the fun out of your life.” Of course there’s also Angela trying to be adventurous when she responds to Brian’s cautionary “you could get in a lot of trouble; this could screw up your life” with “at least I’ll know I’m alive.” Side note: Rayanne’s vampire costume is super rad, and Jordan Catalano is still a babe and he goes to class in this episode.
Modern Family, “Halloween”
Not only do I love this show, but this episode really strikes a chord with me. For one thing, Claire’s undying love for Halloween makes me really happy because even though she’s a grown woman and she knows how ridiculous the holiday is, but goes all out anyway. There is more of an adult focus in this episode, especially with Mitchell’s super embarrassing Spidey moment (“there are exactly three people here in costume: a tool, a douche and me”), but the writers threw in some great teenage girl costume lines for Haley. Her first attempt at a “scary black cat” was met with Claire’s “I’m sparing you of an entire day of guys asking you if you have a rough tongue.” “EW.” Later when she comes down as a nurse, her mother retorts, “are you trying to get candy or Japanese business men?” The final attempt is Mother Teresa:
“You cannot get mad at me I am Mother Teresa.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“What? I am her back when she was hot.”
“I will pay you to put on more clothes.”
And how could they miss an opportunity for little sister jokes? Alex cleans up that perfect encapsulation of teen girl Halloween trends with “bet it’s the first time you ever hear that one.” The combination of adult mortification and costume struggles is exactly what a Halloween episode should be, and Modern Family never fails to bring witty exchanges and tons of giggles to holiday-themed episodes, so this one is a must-see.
Lizzie McGuire, “Night of the Day of the Dead”
Do I need an introduction? It’s Lizzie McGuire! Gotta love how they pull a wicked Halloween prank on the mean girl—very impressive for middle-schoolers. Here is some early 2000s children’s humor:
Matt: Actually, I was gonna go as the ugliest kid on earth, but you’re already wearing the costume
Lizzie: *bitch face with sound effects*
Miranda: You stole the sacred meal of my dead ancestors?!
Matt: This is a lame balloon animal.
Lizzie: Here. *pops balloon* Now it’s extinct.
Kate: She’s turned into a zombie—I’ve seen this in movies!
Lizzie: Rubber bad, mace good…
Also, Miranda is pretty much the coolest. Note her hairdo in the first scene with the furry barrettes and the fact that she’s totally not embarrassed by her parents? Best seventh-grader ever! You can watch the episode here.
Gossip Girl, “The Handmaiden’s Tale”
Ah, the glory days of Gossip Girl season 1! So this isn’t an actual Halloween episode, but it has all the magic and romanticism of costumes a là masquerade ball. The drama of Serena not having a date due to the arrival of Vanessa, the extreme wigs worn by Blair’s “ladies” and vintage Chuck Bass—what can be better? So, “why do you have to celebrate your Bendel’s deal by turning our penthouse into an opium den?” “Why not?” #wisewordsfromEleanor. A few more things just to reminisce: Vanessa’s openness about her feelings for Dan when talking to his… dad. Weird. Also, HUZZAH to the start of Little J’s alter ego evilness; she beats Chuck at his own game, the smart little freshman. But because her complete metamorphosis happens way later, here’s a snippet of vintage Jenny and Vanessa before they got bitten by the bad bug:
“So, this Blair girl used you as her slave?”
“No I was her handmaiden.”
“Handmaiden is Jane Austen for slave.”
God, I miss this glorious writing. And is it just me, or does that party look SO INCREDIBLY FUN? At least for everyone but the main characters. (Hey Brandeis Student Events, masquerade ball???)
P.S. I am still on Team Dan and Serena, or I was until their parents got married, but then I stopped watching the show so I dunno… But if you’re looking for a fluffy, immoral and beautifully clothed episode to distract you from work, this is it.
Freaks and Geeks, “Tricks and Treats”
Freaks and Geeks, like My So-Called Life, is about teenagedom in high school, and each episode is always pumped with parent/friend/age struggles. What I like about this episode is the recurring theme of growing up. How old is too old to go trick-or-treating? Sam whines to his mom that he’s not going out because he’s “IN THE NINTH GRAAADE,” but for Lindsay, what she actually wants to do is the more “babyish” activity instead of causing chaos with her “freaks.” That aside, this episode has some pretty fantastic lines, like James Franco smoothly dropping “thanks for the candy, skinny” before driving off or Millie explaining that she and her boyfriend “don’t even French kiss yet” to Lindsay. Also I love that they use CliffsNotes for Crime and Punishment and that there is a rumor going around that hippies are putting heroin in candy to protest the Reagan campaign. (This 18-episode series is on Netflix for those who have never seen it.)