As I sat down to write this week, I immediately focused on Halloween due to its eminence, and well… the fact that it’s my favorite holiday. So, with fire in my belly, I set off to work. Soon, my eager enthusiasm began to dwindle and in its path, a list of less than inspired ideas flowed onto the page–– Best Costume Innovations of 2011 and Weirdest Horror Movies of All Time, marked some of my most creative options. Inspiring? Not so much.
However, I forged ahead. I began to research, and even write, but soon realized that all I was producing were underwhelming summaries of what I will hesitantly refer to as “films.” To give you a preview, these included the critically acclaimed “Monsturd” and the ever intriguing, “Teeth.” Though I was thoroughly amused, I started to doubt that Bowdoin’s female population would truly appreciate an article about any movie involving a killer who gets turned into a homicidal mutant entirely made up of feces; or read a detailed account of a tormented high school student named Dawn who struggles with a debilitating yet power-wielding disease called “Vagina Dentata.”—Look that one up for yourself…
As doubt flooded over me, I stopped. Was I really going to go through with writing this article? Visions of rotten tomatoes hurling towards me in Thorne came rushing into my mind. I knew my answer.
I would have to find a way to channel Halloween in a different way…and that’s when I began to think about fear. Not just in a ghost, monster or even Vagina Dentata sort of way–– but in the fear that we feel every day as women at Bowdoin. There’s no way around it, we all experience fear as we navigate the classrooms, dining halls, and dorms of our college–– fear of failing that exam, fear that you don’t live up to expectations or of being inadequate, fear that we may not live up to our own version of perfection, fear of what others might think… Fear that rips away at our self-esteem has the potential to run our lives. When this happens–– our own self-worth deteriorates in the process. As Nathaniel Branden, author of The Six Pillars of Self Esteem writes, “Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves.”
In his book, Branden writes about the importance of what he calls “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.” If practiced in good faith, he claims these pillars are the key to finding a pathway to feeling truly good about your self. He emphasizes the importance of self-esteem as not just an idea, but a practice–– something that one must consciously ‘do’ every day. So—much more concisely and a lot less eloquently–– I give you a brief summary of Branden’s guide to overcoming fear and finding true happiness through six important practices:
1. The Practice of Living Consciously
- The first pillar rests on the idea that we all have more knowledge, wisdom and potential than we are aware.
- Branden talks about the usefulness of “sentence completion”. To put it simply—you start a sentence and create a bunch of possible endings. These might include things like, “If I pay more attention to how I deal with people today…” or “If I bring 5 percent more awareness to my priorities then…”. It might seem corny, but take a chance and try it out. Branden says that through this tool, we are able to access and activate our ‘hidden resources.’
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
- What struck me most about this pillar was Branden’s point that “The greatest crime we commit against ourselves is not that we may deny or disown our shortcomings, but that we deny and disown our greatness—because it frightens us”.
- Often, we think of self- acceptance as coming to terms with our less than perfect attributes. However, especially in an environment like Bowdoin, it can be easy to hide any part of ourselves that threatens to make us stand out or stand alone, even if this quality is central to our identity. It is just as important to accept your ‘light’ as it is to accept your ‘dark.’
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
- The practice of self-responsibility is the ability to look to your self as the main agent for your own life and behavior.
- We are truly responsible when we can respond to life’s challenges in a healthy way without blaming other people, or outside circumstances. He claims that individuals who ‘own’ their own abilities are better able to access and manifest their desires.
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
- The Basic meaning of this pillar is to be real. Speak from the heart. Don’t just agree with your friend because it’s easy. Branden writes, “to be authentic is literally to be the author of your own story.”
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
- Living purposefully means creating goals for your self. These aren’t the things that you think will impress your future boss or your parents or your friends, but goals that speak to your passions and echo your greatest principles and values.
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity
- Without practicing this pillar, all of the others lack any meaning whatsoever.
- Branden writes, “When our behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match up, we have integrity.”
Clearly the six pillars of self- esteem are ideals and none of us can realistically live to their perfect standards all the time. However, perfection isn’t what we need to strive for because to be honest—why try the impossible? Instead, we can take the pillars as guidelines for small steps to improvement that might just lead us to that giant ‘leap’ past our fears.
Article Reference: Branden, Nathaniel. The six pillars of self-esteem. United States and Canada: Bantam, 1994. Print.