10 Tips For a Successful (and Awkward-Free) Sunday Brunch

It has happened to everyone. I will confidently argue that every student at Bowdoin will for at least one Sunday, suffer the inevitable Sunday Brunch apprehension. Some more than others. And for some more, even way more than that. Admittedly, I fall between those two categories. As a junior and now having many friends with cars, I have come to appreciate the convenience and necessity of Dunkin Donuts on some Sundays. Sometimes because I sleep past brunch times, but more likely to avoid the inevitable awkwardness of brunch. Unfortunately, microwave hash browns don’t really compare to the all you can eat spread of eggs, home fries, and sausage.

But walking in to the array of strangers and townies in Dunkin Donuts is sometimes way more comforting than walking into a sea of past hookups, could be hookups, might have been hookups, and potential future hookups. Not only is there the fear of running into that same Saturday-night-one-time-only boyfriend that I’ve talked about before, but there’s the fear of looking like crap (no one looks good the morning after a night out), new friends that you might have made and now forget about, and conversations that may have been better left unsaid.

Therefore, I’ve decided to pull together 10 tips for a successful, awkward-free Sunday brunch based on the experiences of my friends and I. For those of you reading who haven’t experienced this problem yet – take notes, I promise it will happen. For those of you facing this apprehension every Sunday – memorize it and maybe seek further help. For those of you who have learned and conquered the Sunday brunch awkwardness – maybe you should be writing this piece. But for those of you who (like myself) just go through it and embrace it (except for those mornings I end up at Dunkin Donuts instead) – enjoy it.

1. Expect the Worst but No One Likes a Party Pooper

First off, you need the right attitude for a successful Sunday brunch. You can’t go into brunch unprepared, but if you expect the worst then it will inevitability be a good brunch. But if you are expecting the worst, and even if you actually really think it will be that bad, don’t be that girl that comes in a train wreck and verbally making it apparent. To be honest, you’re the only one that will know you made it or broke it at brunch, and probably the only one that really cares. So put a smile on but bring some protection just in case, sunglasses anyone?

2. Glasses Not Beer Goggles

This rule is based on past experience and according to your vision performance, may not be applicable, but imperative nonetheless. In your frenzy of getting out of bed and ready in time to go to brunch with your friends, I understand it is hard to find your glasses, or at least if your room looks like mine. Your long night will leave your eyes bloodshot and puffy, regardless of whether or not you wear contacts. For this reason, especially for those of us out there who often fall asleep with their contacts in, contacts are not exactly a go-to on Sunday mornings. You may think that your eyes aren’t that bad and that you can see well enough to pick out your food, and for that matter, even your friends in a crowd. Or so I thought when I tried. As I found out, and as will you, the lack of contacts or glasses creates the same beer goggles that you wore the night before. Except - you will be sober, or at least almost sober.

Sporting your beer goggles the night before allowed you to make new friends, try new tricks, and most importantly, spit game. But beer goggles is not what you need at brunch. It’s a place to either avoid or embrace new friends or new Saturday night boyfriends, not awkwardly run into them and get questionably close because you can’t tell who it is. Fighting the hangover is hard enough, at least give yourself a clear vision.

3. Don’t Walk your Shame Right Into Thorne

Yes, we will notice that you are wearing the same outfit from the night before. Or wait, didn’t that gawky freshman you were talking to last night have that sweatshirt on that is now covering your scandalous tank top? Yes, we will notice your makeup running down your face. Although, we won’t notice your post hookup stench because most of us haven’t showered ourselves. Make a stop home to grab a few pieces of your dignity before you head to brunch. You will be glad you did. Especially during costume season.

4. Leave the Boots

To be honest, I can’t tell you from past experience what it is like to get dressed up, or really dressed at all for brunch. Unless I am naked, I normally roll off my bed and hit it. However, as the raggedy mess, I can tell you what we are all thinking when we see you all put together at 11:30 in the morning. I understand that maybe it helps you get your day started, you feel better when you shower, or maybe you even have somewhere important to be. Regardless, speaking on behalf of the majority of us that wear sweats, we can’t help but feel resentful, and maybe even a little bit of jealousy. I don’t want to know that you are about to go off and be productive while I stumble back to my room and fall back into bed. The eyeliner I am bearing is leftovers from the night before, not reapplied. For our sake, and our self-esteem, please leave the boots, jeans and skirts at home.

5. Misery Loves Company

There’s nothing worse than spending brunch with friends who were on their best behavior the night before leaving you the only one going over regretful moments in your head. Therefore, if you find yourself uneasy to go to brunch and don’t want to relive your weekend, make sure you have at least one friend in the same predicament. No one likes being laughed at, but with someone in the same situation, you can at least laugh at one another. Misery loves company. Especially when you’re ready to go get seconds.

6. Bull’s Eye

Omlettes are by far my favorite brunch item. If there are two or less people in line, I will suck it up and wait to make one. However, more than once now I have had that kid who acts as if he is in an Iron Chef competition. He must cook his vegetables first while continually applying oil, then finally goes to put in the eggs but forgets to get peppers, and has to wait until his cheese melts completely. If his omlette isn’t perfect he is so frustrated that there is a good chance he might even start over. It’s times like these that remind me that omlette making is dangerous. Unless you can bribe a friend to wait there, you are flying solo in the line of fire for seeing everyone. In this awkward situation, I advise you to strike up conversation with the charming guy who works the omlette station, text anyone you can, or simply stand facing the wall and act as though you don’t have peripheral vision.

7. Strategize Your Seating

My best advice to those worried about where to sit – pick your seat first. I know that your mouth is watering the second you walk in, but take a minute and designate where you are sitting. Sundays may not be the best time to try and sit where the “cool kids” sit and there’s no shame in taking a table closer to the left side or even in a back booth. But there’s also no shame in wanting to sit near that huge table of boys to hear them recount their own weekends. Or did your night go great and you want to make sure that the guy you were canoodling with says hi when he walks by? Who says that’s bad? Take an extra second to think these things through. It’s worth it on Sundays.

8. Two Peas (at least) in a Pod

Bringing that friend in the same situation is the first step. Now you have to recruit a friend to scour the dining hall for your next food option. Under normal circumstances, I am not really a fan of the “girl-best-friend-attached-at-the-hip-I-can’t-do-anything-myself” trend. It typically annoys me. However, even I would agree that at Sunday brunches, it is necessary to brush that aside and help out your friends who need your help either picking out which muffin they should get or as body guards. Because you never know when you’ll be in their shoes.

9. Bon Appétit

Maybe this article has done the opposite of prepare you for a successful brunch. Maybe it has made you even more uneasy, more freaked out then before. But here’s the good part – once you successfully get your food and pick out a strategic seat, sit down and enjoy it! Don’t let a hangover spoil your appetite. Remember ladies and gents, we have the best dining hall in the nation and an all you can eat buffet. Enjoy that omlette that took you 15 minutes and made you say hi to that boy you were seriously avoiding. Enjoy the sausage and bacon indulgences that you only allow for the morning after a night out. You deserve it and your body will love you for it (for the most part). Don’t forget to treat it to a nice big glass of water as well.

P.S. (10.) Wear Shoes

Coming from someone who has worn pretty much no shoes to brunch before, I would uncharacteristically advise that you DO wear shoes to brunch. Especially if you’ve gone a night without shoes (is there anyone out there like me?) treat your feet to at least some flip-flops. Slippers or mucklucks don’t really work and let me tell you if you are trying not to be noticed that’s not the thing to wear. But if you do see someone without shoes on at brunch, you just may have found me.