Diary of a Downtown Girl: What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

Sometimes I can't comprehend my own life. Actually, I can't ever comprehend my life.

It's constantly up and down. I'm happy, I'm sad, then I'm happy again but oh wait, I'm sad now. I'm exhausted in every way possible. Between finals and papers and boy problems, I really just want to sleep. But there's no time for that with grad school apps and the GRE on the way. 

Sorry, I don't usually complain this much. Well, I do but it seems more annoying this time around. It's just that I'm confused. Let me tell you what happened this weekend. That guy Aidan I'm hooking up with hadn't asnwered my really nice sober text before we had gone out. I didn't think much of it and so I proceeded to get my drink on with a few of my friends. After I was obviously less sober than earlier in the evening, we headed out downtown. Upon entering Tom and Marty's, who is it I see? Aidan sitting at the bar, drinking a beer, and having a grand 'ol time with his friends. This was all totally fine. I freaked out a tiny bit to myself because I didn't expect to see him there but it made sense that he hadn't answered my text. 

Fast forward to one tequila shot later... Aidan sees me ordering another drink, seems very surprised to see me, gathers his friends and heads out the door. Uhhh what? Why did he just leave? Was it because he saw me? Oh my goodness he hates me. More shots, please. Probably not the best idea but whatevs.

I can totally understand Aidan wanting to have a night out with just his boys. Sometimes I want to just hang out with my girls. I get it. I could've totally been overreacting to the situation but it happened again. Me walking into a bar, Aidan seeing me, Aidan then rounding up his friends and leaving to a different bar. It happened at least three times. We didn't say anything to each other during any of these encounters. We played the whole oh I'm going to pretend I don't see him/her even though I totally do. 

As I was leaving a bar, I bumped into Aidan again. I waved and he said hey and proceeded to walk away. And the rest is history. You know me well enough by now to figure out what happened after this. It went a little like this. Crying, yelling profanities, crying again, laughing, then yelling again and so on. 

Thinking about this soberly, I'm not sure what I expected. What is there to expect from someone who isn't even my boyfriend? Did I expect him to stop and kiss me in front of all of this friends? Well, no, but one can dream. I guess I really don't have anything to be upset about. We're nothing. I wouldn't even know what to refer to him as if one of my friend's asked me. This guy I'm having sex with? That doesn't seem to accurately define what's going on here even though that's a good portion of what's going on. 

Here's my problem. He's a good looking guy. He clearly knows how to get girls so he can be out and bringing other girls home any day of the week. But as far as I know, he's not, because for the past month or so he's been coming home to me. Maybe he's doing other girls in between but I highly doubt it. So at this point, yes, I would've liked more than a "hey." 

Well, now it's winter break and we haven't spoken since last weekend. My guess is I won't be hearing from him ever again. And fingers crossed, I can control myself and not reach out to him. 

Life is hard, ya know? Nothing good ever lasts too long. At least it doesn't seem to for me. Ugh, I sound like such a Debbie Downer. But a girl can only take so much rejection. 

*Photo courtesy of Google Images