You know that one girl who all your friends seem to like and you have no idea why they do? Everyone else gushes about how sweet and genuine she is, while you can’t understand why you are the only one who sees through her energetic smokescreen and can tell who she really is. You lament alone how moderately to severely obnoxious she is, full of false humility and peppy to the point that you want to pop her balloon with a needle. She’s frustrating; she gets under your skin, and for some reason you still smile and match her enthusiastic “Hiiiiiii!” whenever you see her. Well gals, this über-Barbie has a name, and it is Taylor Swift.
I have about a million problems with this curly-haired country celebrity. The first Taylor issue is the fact that she is everywhere. Literally everywhere. You can’t go to a high school dance on this planet without “You Belong With Me” playing at some point during the night (I’m not sure why you’d be going to a high school dance, but you get my point). Likewise, try driving in your car for twenty minutes while listening to the radio without a song of hers coming on. I dare you. Taylor’s PR people, whoever they are, are friggin’ geniuses. The girl is on the cover of every magazine, has a fragrance that doesn’t actually smell half bad, singlehandedly made the number “13” cool, and I hate her for it. She is so annoyingly perky all the time, dresses like Sandy from Grease pre-“tell me about it, stud,” and acts way too surprised for her own good when she wins an award. You’d think at some point she’d realize there’s a pattern at award shows: she always wins. Like, girl, stop covering your lipsticked mouth with your hands every time they call you up to the stage. You knew you were going to win. But, I digress.
Here’s the thing with Taylor Swift’s music, though: I love it. I listen to it all the time. I, in fact, am listening to her new album as I write this. She may be a twenty-two year old who still writes songs appropriate for a pre-teen, but you have to admit, the lyrics cut deep. To the core. They are so freakily accurate and speak directly to the female experience. I can’t even disagree with people when they say “Taylor Swift literally sings about my life,” because she does. The lyrics are so spot on, so raw, and appeal so precisely to female vulnerability that they sound like my daily interior monologue. I’m not even afraid to say it, I cry when I listen to “White Horse.” It mirrors my life so perfectly that each cheesy, self-indulgent line feels like someone taking a hammer to my heart. Yeah, it’s that bad. And don’t try to tell me it doesn’t have the exact same effect on you.
Taylor’s other brilliant tactical move is the fact that her popularity is gender neutral. Boys like her just as much as girls do. It may be her waiflike figure, reminiscent of Karlie Kloss, or her big blue eyes, but guys
think she’s the greatest thing to walk the planet. This not only expands her already enormous fan base, but also enhances her cool factor. She may profess to be a dork in that I’m-nerdy-but-still-hotter-than-you Zooey Deschanel way, but we all know that T Swift is the most popular girl in school… and we all want to be her friend. It doesn’t even matter that her voice is weak and pales in comparison to many of her peers (I’m talking Adele. I’m talking Beyonce.), she is the most “it” of all “it” girls.
I don’t think I have ever been as conflicted about something as I am about Taylor Swift. In theory, I despise her; everything from her blunt bangs to her sparkly dresses to her Kennedy boyfriend irritates me. In practice, however, I love her. Her songs are the most played on my iTunes, I downloaded her new album at midnight the night it came out, and every time I am feeling blue, I blast “You’re Not Sorry” and cry over a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. It’s confusing to have such warring emotions about someone, so I think I shall do the only thing I really can in this situation: drink some green tea, Instagram a picture of my cat, and listen to “I Knew You Were Trouble” on repeat. How very Taylor.
Photo Sources:
http://wfxd.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Taylor-Swift-O-Faces-600×450.jpg
http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi01MjExZjc4MWVkMDc5YzA0
http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi0zYTJjOGQxMTVkMWFjYjhl