By now, most of you have probably already seen this video around the internet:
For those of you who need a quick recap, Jennifer Livingston, a local T.V. morning show host received an e-mail from a viewer, stating that she was not a “suitable role model” for children because she is overweight. Livingston’s husband and evening news anchor, Mike Thompson, posted the e-mail on his public Facebook page, where it received over 2,000 “likes” and nearly 4,000 comments. The overwhelming response caused Livingston to dedicate a segment of her show to discussing the letter and how it fits into October’s national Anti-Bullying Month initiative.
While we at BCSSH applaud Livingston’s brave and poignant statement, we’re a bit troubled by the conversation that has developed in response. Some readers have defended the e-mailer, arguing that his letter is merely a statement of true facts about the dangers of obesity. Other debaters came to Livingston’s defense, thanking her for having the courage to be a “real woman” with “curves.”
The dangerous flaw within both of these arguments, however, is that they both glorify one lifestyle through putting down others. For example, defenders of the e-mailer praise their ideal of a “healthy lifestyle” by discrediting those that they perceive as “unhealthy.” Under the guise of “facts about obesity,” it reinforces the unjustified belief that people have some sort of right to comment on or judge another person’s body at will. Alternatively, praising Livingston as a “real woman” because she is curvy paints a very narrow picture of what a “real woman” is, and dismisses all other body types from this category. In order to move past a society based on criticism and bullying, we must discard both of these ways of thinking. The first step is to realize that we don’t have a right to comment on others that don’t fit into our “ideal,” and to recognize that every woman, regardless of her appearance, shape, or size, is a “real woman.”
Now, we understand that, while these theories are all well and good, it’s often much easier said than done. We are also aware that certain aspects BC culture can provide a less-than-ideal environment for nurturing and maintaining a stellar self-esteem—we’re looking at you, peer pressure! So, in the spirit of the WRC’s Love Your Body Week campaign, we’ve devised this list of seven body-positive ways to love your wonderful self without putting down others.
Appreciate what your body does for you.
Maybe you added an extra 10 minutes on your workout before you got winded. Or maybe you were gasping for breath just a little bit less after climbing the Million Dollar Stairs (hey, no one escapes those babies unscathed). Whether you’re in the Plex or going for a walk, focus on all the things your body is doing to get you through the workout—how your heart and lungs automatically switch into high-gear to make sure everything gets where it needs to go, or how your muscles strengthen and grow so that you’ll be even better prepared next time. When you appreciate your body for its own sake, you build longer-lasting confidence that does not depend on what the screen says on the elliptical next to you.
Spend a few minutes every morning admiring something you like about yourself.
While it may sound a little cheesy, doing this every morning can lift your confidence for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, we spend much more time dwelling on the parts of ourselves that we hate than focusing on the ones we love. Maybe you have a smile that could light up a room, or the perfect legs to work those skinny jeans. If you spend your last look in the mirror before you leave your house admiring these attributes, the positive image will stick with you for the rest of the day.
It’s okay to admit that she’s pretty.
Believe it or not, listing all the reasons why the pretty girl that sits next to us in class isn’t actually all that attractive doesn’t really make us feel better about ourselves. The more effort we make to pick out the tiny little flaws in others, the more we do the same to ourselves. Instead, just admit, “I really like her hair/makeup/outfit/whatever” and drop it. Making a habit of paying someone else a mental compliment and then moving on makes us much nicer to the image we see in the mirror. And when you feel good about yourself, it doesn’t matter how pretty she is anyway.
Eat for yourself.
It doesn’t matter if you want to eat a salad or the greasiest burger in America, just have your own reasons for your choice. Maybe you feel really refreshed when you hit the salad bar for lunch. Or maybe that burger just tastes really good and—by George!—you’re going to enjoy life. It doesn’t matter. The important thing is to know why you made your choice, and why it works for you. Counting the number of bacon strips on the next person’s plate isn’t going to change your meal, and, any momentary gratification you might get from the comparison won’t even last until dessert. Instead, get what you want, know why you want it, and enjoy it without worrying.
Fight the urge to say “if only…”
The most important part of being confident is being happy with who you are now, not who you think you could be three triathlons and two million push-ups later. While there’s nothing wrong with self-improvement, self-acceptance must come first. So if you find yourself constantly saying, “I’d be happy if only I could lose 5 pounds/get a 6-pack/bench press x-number of pounds,” chances are the problem is your outlook, not your body. Instead, every time you catch yourself wishing you could change something about your body, switch gears and focus on something you love about yourself.
Take back your night(s) out.
The hook-up culture at BC can sometimes seem like an inescapable black hole in college social life—it’s easy to get sucked in, and no one really knows what happens there. It can, at times, appear that the whole point of Friday and Saturday nights is to find a hook-up. While these choices are obviously at the discretion of the individual, it is important to avoid the trap of judging your own worth by other partiers. If you make sure you are happy with how you look and feel before you go out, have a ton of fun wherever you go, and make choices that you will personally still be okay with in the morning, it won’t (and shouldn’t!) matter how “successful” your night was by the partying standards you may hear around campus. If you do decide to be sexually active, make sure you are doing so safely. Check out our safe sites around campus for information and resources regarding safer sex.
Remember that looks aren’t everything.
We’ve probably all heard this saying every day since we were three. But, most likely, we’ve all met someone who is infinitely more appealing after a conversation than they seemed from just looking alone. Inevitably, there are about a million other factors that make someone appealing. Being out-going, confident, funny, interesting, adventurous (the list could go on forever) are all unique qualities that make someone intriguing far beyond how they look. So overall, it really isn’t a big deal if you’re not thrilled with something about your body, because it’s only the tiniest portion of who you are, and only one of the countless attributes that make you such an extraordinary person.
So, in the hope that Love Your Body Week will give everyone even just one more inch of self-confidence, let’s all make a promise to embrace more body-positive habits. We challenge you to focus on one of these seven points each day. Let’s take a tip from Jennifer Livingston, and avoid bullying—even ourselves.
Peace, Love, and Lube,
BC Students for Sexual Health
Photo Credits:
http://www.keepcalmandposters….