We’ve been daydreaming of car bombs, green beer, jello shots, pubs, and corned beef. We’ve been scrounging our closets for green clothing. We’ve been asking our parents what our heritage is, trying to find just one percent of Irish blood in us so we can wear “Kiss Me I’m Irish” paraphernalia. We’ve withdrawn hundreds from the ATMs this weekend to afford our alcohol and Irish soda bread plans. Needless to say, we’ve been excitedly awaiting this wonderful holiday we call St. Patrick’s Day.
All this anticipation made us start wondering… who is this Patrick that we are so grateful to be celebrating? Why does the entire campus wear green and get drunk for this one saint? What exactly did he do to warrant such grand festivities every single year?
So we decided to do a little research. We’d heard rumors about what a great guy he was –everything from snakes to shamrocks to leprechauns. But imagine our surprise when we found out that Patty is actually playing us all!
Turns out, this guy wasn’t even Irish! Yep, born in Great Britain, the only reason he came to Ireland was because he was stolen and traded as a slave (loser…).
And about those snakes… No, he did not banish them from Ireland because Ireland didn’t even have snakes (liar…).
And sure, he helped convert lots of Irish to Christianity. But the guy wasn’t even canonized… so why is he confidently sporting a halo like a backwards snapback (wannabe…)?!
C’mon Pat, guys lie to us enough. It seems like all you have to offer us is a big ego. Honestly, Patrick, don’t you think BC girls have enough trust issues as it is?
Now there was definitely a moment where we got carried away and almost cancelled all of our Irish plans for this weekend. But as distraught as we were about the news, we have come to a (not-so) sobering realization: we do not actually need a valid reason to celebrate. So turn on your Dropkick Murphy’s playlist and party on, Boston College! Irish or not, we can all take a lesson from St. Patrick… you are what you pretend to be (because one Halloween isn’t enough).