How to Tell if Your New Guy is a Keeper or a Creeper


Relationships can be super confusing.  Sometimes you can’t tell if the person you’re talking to is worth your time, or a complete dud.  Lucky for you, there are a couple of clear telltale signs that make knowing the difference simple!


He’s a keeper if he is constantly calling and texting you, and he gets major points if he stalks you via social media, too!  This may seem overwhelming, but don’t worry, it just means he cares!  Your guy wants to know absolutely everything you are doing at all times because you are SOOO interesting.  You can’t blame him.

He’s a creeper if he isn’t constantly trying to talk to you.  I’m sorry, but what exactly do you think he’s doing that’s more important than talking to you?  I’ll give you a hint: something shady.  All I’m saying is if he is not constantly trying to reach you, he might just be too busy talking to someone else.  Think about it.



He’s a keeper if he dresses his absolute sloppiest around you at all times.  How adorable is it that he feels comfortable to wear the same exact pair of sweatpants around you for three straight weeks…without even washing them!  Plus it shows his confidence whenever he completely ruins nice dinner plans by making a mockery of the restaurants dress code.  Legit so cute!

He’s a total creeper if he dresses to impress on important days.  Suddenly he wears a nice button up on the day he meets your parents?  Clearly that means he’s trying to hide the fact that he doesn’t dress like that everyday.  So basically he is lying to your parents.  Rude.


A guy is obviously a keeper if his remarks are lacking in the respect department.  I know what you’re thinking: Aretha Franklin told me R-E-S-P-E-C-T was important, but times have changed, ladies!  By not respecting your opinions or decisions, you’re guy is just reminding you that HIS opinions and decisions are more important.  He must just be smarter or something!

Once a guy shows me too much respect, I know he’s a creeper.  Like, what?  You expect me to make my own decisions and stand up for myself?  What am I, some sort of smart, independent, HC BC-reading Boston College girl?  Two words: Deal.  Breaker.  Any guy who dares to respect me clearly doesn’t actually care about me.  Ugh.


Everyone knows the key to any keeper is a complete and utter lack of shared interests.  How boring would it be if you could actually have a meaningful conversation with this guy?  Relationships are so much more fun when the backbone of all conversations are gossip about mutual friends and small talk about your mundane lives!

A guy is a major creeper if he acts interested in my hobbies.  Oh really?  You read my HC BC article and think I am super witty and fun?  Uh huh.  Likely story.  The worst is when he is clearly not interested, but asks questions and tries to learn about my passions.  So tacky.  So weird. 



A true keeper knows the foundation of any strong relationship is made of broken plans, blown off dates, and phone calls that never actually happened.  Not to mention, if your guy follows through with things, think of all the time you wouldn’t have to sit in the dark and listen to Adele while polishing off your third carton of Ben and Jerry’s and softly weeping!  He is only thinking of you.  And everyone knows actually going on dates is overrated.

Guys who are reliable are actually the dictionary definition of a creeper.  Seriously, bro, why would you even call when you said you would?  Haven’t you ever heard of playing hard to get?  What a joke.


A token keeper has mastered the art of the cruel, below-the-belt one-liner.  It’s almost as though he has rehearsed all the terrible and mean things his arsenal is loaded with for this exact moment.  It’s actually pretty adorable, you know, that he would put all this effort into making you feel terrible about yourself.  Awww.

If a guy isn’t fighting as hardcore as possible, then he obviously doesn’t love you enough, so clearly he is a creeper.  Don’t even waste my time with an argument that is going to result in you listening to me and then calmly explaining yourself.  And if you even think of apologizing to me, I am seriously about to walk out.


Relationships With Others

Everyone knows a keeper would never let you spend time with your family, friends, or other guys.  If you think this is controlling, you are so wrong.  This is what true love looks like.

A creeper not only encourages you to spend time with others, but he also tries to get to know other people who are important to you, which is majorly odd.  Like, why are you trying to latch onto every relationship in my life, you weirdo?  I really can’t even with this one. 



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