Although it is not Halloween just yet, I would like to talk about one of the scary phenomena happening on college campuses across the country. Imagine this: A guy that you have been texting, hooking up with, talking with, flirting with, or “dating” all of a sudden, “POOF,” disappears. No more texts. No more party invites. No more encounters on campus. You stare at your phone with no missed calls, texts or SnapChats from the person. And the scariest part… there is no explanation.
If this has not happened to you, I am sure you have overheard a story with similar circumstances over your time here at BC. Some men engage in the “slow fade”; where the text messages start to subside, the enthusiasm dwindles out, and the eyes begin to wander. They respond to your text after two hours, and then the next time after the weekend, and then progressively there are no more responses and the false hope of “He still cares” is broken. Others, however, pull off some magic and are gone in an instant and despite being not too big of a school, you never hear or see them for some time.
Well ladies, this is the strange phenomenon of “ghosting” that some college boys have expertly mastered. No, I am not talking about that strange fad that ranks up there with planking when you follow closely behind someone for a while until they notice. Instead I am talking about the trend I first read about in an article on The Frisky entitled “Dating Don’ts: Thou Shalt Not Ghost.” The article defines ghosting as “when a person you thought you were dating vanishes into thin air without explanation.” All that is left is for us ladies to question, “Why?”
Well I am no expert, but I have learned that if you want to know how a boy is feeling, then you shouldn’t wait for him to tell you because, unfortunately, for some guys you may be waiting forever. Instead, you should look at his actions. Whether it be the slow fade or the magic act, the guy is basically trying to tell you he is not interested. And you know what, that sucks. You are not alone though; it happens to girls all the time, and I am sure that plenty of girls do it to guys as well. This is a classic case of cat and mouse; you chase after the one that you want and the second you get it, you are done.
Are ghosting and the slow fade acceptable behaviors though? Sad to say, but in a world where the hook-up culture is predominant and the idea of commitment as a college aged student is intimidating, the answer is yes. Of course there are a few exception,s such as the guy who does want to commit or who will tell you directly that it is over (whatever “it” was), but sometimes we have to look far and wide for these. We have all probably heard that guys are afraid of commitment, and I guess this is just another way for them to express it.
What can we do about victimization from ghosting and the slow fade? Face the truth and get over it. Staring at your phone with hope of a “Hey, sorry I’ve meant to text you” message and letting perfectly good times with friends, classes, and other guys pass is no way to spend your time as a young, beautiful, and independent woman. Remind yourself that guys will come and go, but college can also be a great time to enjoy being a strong and single girl. You may be more hesitant the next time an opportunity comes around with a guy, but at least now you are aware of what may happen. Scarier things could happen and I guarantee some of you could even look back and think that it really wasn’t all that you hyped it up to be and maybe you need some time to yourself or to catch up with your girls.
My mom has always told me, “Never let a guy dictate the way you live your life” and, “If the guy doesn’t want to put in the effort, then neither should you.” Move on! Have fun and live your life!
Have you been a victim to “ghosting?” Guys, do you think that girls are culprits of such actions as well? We want your feedback!
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