Every year, American luxury specialty department store Neiman Marcus® comes out with its classic “Holiday Catalog” right in time for the Christmas season. In its 88th edition this year, this annual ode to one-percenters is always entertaining, since in addition to expensive clothing and accessories, “The Book” also features several absurdly expensive “Fantasy Gifts”. I must ask: does anyone really buy these items?! To fully understand my confusion, check out some of my favorite “Fantasy Gifts” from this year’s catalog, and prepare for a few laughs:
Tanqueray No. Ten Imperial Shaker by Jason Crawley ($35,000)
Step aside, everyday cocktail shakers and make way for the “imperial shaker”. All you need to know: it’s a five foot tall “cocktail-making machine”. But don’t worry, it’s totally worth its cool $35,000 price tag since it comes with “a one-year supply of Tanqueray No. Ten® and a personal cocktail education session for up to twenty guests with a Tanqueray mixology expert”. Purchase this to become the instant party house… and instantly broke. I couldn’t make this up even if I wanted to.
Leontine Linens Home Trousseau ($45,000)
There are Bed, Bath, and Beyond sheets and then there are Leontine Linens. This “gift” includes “personal in-home visit from founder Jane Scott Hodges, author of Linens: For Every Room and Occasion… You will select bed, bath, and table linens for every room in your house.” Skip paying tuition at BC for a year and instead purchase ‘linens’ for your home. So I guess eating in bed is a definite no with these, right?
Preston Bailey Peacock Floral Sculptures ($65,000)
I am still laughing about this one. It’s a peacock, at casually “6′-tall garden version with a 10′-long tail composed of silk flowers and seasonal plantings”. I cannot fathom how this would look in anyone’s backyard or what would inspire someone in the first place to purchase a six foot peacock floral sculpture for their yard. My favorite part about this one is the fine print “cost of plant materials and shipping not included”… so what exactly is the $65,000 covering?
100th Anniversary Neiman Marcus Limited-Edition Maserati Ghibli S Q4 ($95,000)
It’s a Maserati, people. A frieken Maserati. I’m done. There are only 100 of them being built in honor of the 100th anniversary of the Italian car company. Better start placing your orders now… don’t want to miss out!!
Vanity Fair Academy Awards® Experience ($425,000)
Come on, Neiman Marcus. If you’re going to make your customers shell out nearly a half a million dollars to attend an awards show, could you at least included a marriage to a celebrity as part of the package deal? This “experience” includes “star treatment” at the Peninsula Beverly Hills Hotel and a full weekend of pampering, pretending you know celebrities and belong at the Oscars, and of course an invitation to the Vanity Fair party. What better way to pretend you’re someone important than paying ludicrous sums of money to go to an awards show!
The House of Creed Bespoke Fragrance Journey ($475,000)
I had to save the best for last. This “fragrance journey” includes two first class tickets to Paris where you’ll meet with “sixth-generation Master Perfumer Olivier Creed to create the ultimate custom scent.” Yup, you read that right: your own scent. It only gets better: “a few short months later, a fragrance nonpareil will arrive at your doorstep in 24 14-karat gold-gilded six-liter flacons and 12 14-karat gold-accented leather atomizers featuring your bespoke scent.” Now I’m done.
Though Neiman Marcus’s “Fantasy Gifts” for the majority of us clearly are what they’re named as “fantasy”, it’s nice to know that a portion of the proceeds for these gifts benefit the Neiman Marcus Foundation which is “dedicated to support youth arts education in communities across the country”. Sorry “Fantasy Gifts”, this year I’m sticking to my classic stocking stuffers of scratch-off lotto tickets and fuzzy slippers.
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