If you have yet to tune into this season of ABC’s The Bachelor, IT’S NOT TOO LATE. I’m here to fill you in on what you’ve missed. A little reality TV guilty pleasure never hurt anyone and these ladies’ crazy antics and romantics are seriously entertaining. So love it or hate it, pour yourself a glass of that red wine and get settled in.
1. Introducing Chris Soules
This season’s Bachelor is a farmer from Arlington, Iowa. He’s polite and sweet if we know anything from watching him on The Bachelorette with Andi Dorfman. While he seems to be a likable guy, we’ve learned that he isn’t the smoothest talker. I’m not saying it’s easy to express your feelings on national television, but the way he talks to people makes me think he has spent most of his life talking to corn stalks…but then again, maybe he has?
2. Next stop on the crazy train…
As a faithful viewer of almost all 19 seasons of the show, I have seen it all. Let me just tell you, this season takes the cake when it comes to crazy, dramatic and wild women. We had (Kard)Ashley I. with her constant hysterics and Kim K-like hair extensions who I think thought this was an audition for “Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Then we had Jordan who spent most of her time sipping on free booze and twerking on bathroom walls. Of course we can’t forget about Kelsey whose lack of emotions and use of ‘big words’ had some of America questioning her integrity and the validity of her ‘stress-induced panic attack’ that coincidentally canceled a cocktail party. And finally, my personal favorite, Ashley S., who was seriously bonkers in the best way. Ashley S. proved to be the ultimate zombie hunter who was so inspired by the onion-like pomegranates that she began growing her own onions after being eliminated from the show.
3. The Britt Dynasty
An obviously beautiful and enthusiastic woman, Britt stole Chris’s heart on the very first night, scoring herself the ‘first impression rose.’ She stole every moment she could with Chris. Their PDA was out of control and borderline inappropriate (like making out in front of the other girls…GET A ROOM). She was an obvious front-runner and threat to any other girl. Mid-season her Dynasty was going strong until slowly, other girls (AKA Carly), began to shake the foundations. After a few games of he-said-she-said, the Britt Dynasty fell apart. Chris said #ByeFelicia and kicked Britt to the curb *cue glitter-filled tears*.
4. Can Kaitlyn be my best friend?
I LOVE this chick. Straight out the limo she killed it. An opening line of “You can plow the f*ck out of my fields any day”, goes to show that Kaitlyn was her funny, sarcastic and sometimes inappropriate self from the start. She’s obviously a hottie and steered clear of the drama llamas, making her an instant fan fave. I felt her pain as I watched her let her guard down with Chris and then get completely blind-sided at the final three rose ceremony. Honestly though, Kaitlyn was way too cool for Chris so here’s to hoping, praying and predicting that this chick will be the next Bachelorette (and maybe someday my best friend?).
5. And then there were two…
That’s it ladies, we’re at the final two. First we have Becca, a southern girl with obvious charm. This girl has class. She was the only one to refuse a kiss from Chris because she didn’t want to rush things, RESPECT. Chris and Becca have an undeniable chemistry, but when Chris found out that she’s a virgin who’s never been in love, things got a bit rocky. Whitney, a fertility nurse from Chicago, has made it very clear that she is committed to Chris. That being said, I can’t see Whitney becoming a housewife in a farm town. This woman has worked so hard for her career and would have to give up if she lived in Iowa. That being said, I think Chris has more confidence in his relationship with Whitney, but Becca’s got my vote. If you want to find out who Chris chooses, tune in Monday at 8 p.m. I promise, you will not be let down. God Bless Bachelor Nation.
XO
P.S. SHOUTOUT TO MY HOMEGIRL JADE…Chris probably couldn’t handle your wild mustang ways anyway.