Be still, my beating heart; another Hamildrop has been released. Last time, it was “Found/Tonight” featuring Lin-Manuel Miranda and Ben Platt, the original stars in “Hamilton: An American Musical” and “Dear Evan Hansen,” respectively, and it was a gorgeous mashup of two songs, one from each musical. For my thoughts on that piece, click here and read my review. This Hamildrop is titled “First Burn,” and if you haven’t yet heard it, please take the 3 minutes to do so:
First, let me just say that I am in love with each woman’s voice. Every one of them is incredibly talented and amazing, which is unsurprising; they each have at one point or another played Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton, or Eliza, in the musical. Lexi Lawson (Broadway), Julia K. Harriman (first national tour), Shoba Narayan (second national tour), Rachelle Ann Go (West End), and Arianna Afsar (original Chicago company) are almost absurdly talented, and they absolutely rocked it.
“First Burn” is a recording of the original draft of the song “Burn,” Eliza’s ballad in Act II detailing her reaction to discovering her husband’s affair, which he wrote about and published in a newspaper to fend off potential rumors that he abused his cabinet position. Eliza sings about his betrayal and her humiliation, declaring that she will burn all of the letters he wrote to her when they were courting as a sign of her anger. “Burn” is a gorgeous song that I adore, and “First Burn” is just as beautiful, but in a different way.
In “Burn,” Eliza describes the hurt she feels and the anguish over the destruction of her marriage to and relationship with Alexander. She sings about how her humiliation at being deceived and her disappointment in both herself and him. “Burn” allows the listener to witness how she turns her pain and distress into anger, revealing how often anger and frustration are means through which a person protects themselves from further emotional harm, going on the offense to prevent themselves from getting hurt again.
In “First Burn,” Eliza is a force to be reckoned with, and although it hints at her pain, it more displays her anger. She is much more forceful with her accusations, using the song to attack his behavior and show him that she tolerated too much for far too long because she loved him. “First Burn” shows Eliza’s fire; she sings, “Don’t take another step in my direction/ I can’t be trusted around you.” Eliza wants him to stay away because she doesn’t trust herself if Alexander gets close to her again, and she tells him that he can watch her burn his letters if he wants. She tells him that she knows how he looks at her sister, Angelica, whom he lusts after and flirts with in the musical, letting him know that she isn’t as naïve as he assumed. Eliza declares that he will be the one to explain to their children her “pain and embarrassment,” and puts the full onus of responsibility on him. Eliza is angry, and rightfully so, and “First Burn” conceals more of her sadness than does “Burn,” meaning that the listener doesn’t hear the evolution of pain into fury quite as much.
Both “Burn” and “First Burn” are beautiful in their own ways, and both give a voice to Eliza’s emotions—they just do so in slightly different ways. You can hear where Miranda changed the song along the rewrites he must have done before arriving at the final version, and being able to hear the first draft is, from a writer’s perspective, very unusual and special. You don’t often see the drafts that come before a final version of something, whether it’s a song, a book, a paper, or another type of work. So frequently we forget that there is no such thing as a perfect first draft, and we assume that the finished product simply sprang from the writer’s head on the first try. Getting to see the first draft of such a beautiful song is a rare and awesome privilege, and it’s a reminder that if it seems like the first version of something I write is far from perfect, that’s okay. It’s okay to change something you write, and it’s okay if the final version ends up being very different from the initial draft. That’s just part of the writing process, and I tend to forget that even incredible writers and composers go through it as well. So thank you, Lin-Manuel Miranda, for this much-needed reminder.
Download/stream “First Burn” on different platforms here.