I’ve been a tour guide at Barnard for about a year now. Every tour I give is a rewarding experience for me for different reasons. I love sharing knowledge with people, I secretly love being a know-it-all, but mostly because I love showing off my school. I think we can all agree that Barnard’s pretty much the tops. After visiting Barnard a few times in high school, I thought that I knew every square inch of this campus. Only after settling on campus did I realize there are plenty of places around campus for me to discover.
On the tour that I took as a high school junior and the tours that I give today, visiting students are taken to all of the places that need to be seen in order to maximize efficiency and information. Tours were this way at every school I visited really. But if I had the chance to disregard practicality and if I had an unlimited amount of time, there are some places that I’d like to show people that don’t necessarily relate to the necessities of the campus, but rather places that I’ve discovered during my time at Barnard that I think are pretty cool. Here is the tour that I would give…
Sassy Bench:
I’m not sure if I quite understand the sassy bench next to the Athena statue, especially since I just started paying attention to it a few weeks ago. I don’t know if any of us can quite understand the significance of the phrase, “murder has its sexual side.” But, alas, there it is…written on the bench. While I don’t quite comprehend it, I’m really glad that it’s there. I, like every Barnard woman, tend to start taking myself a little too seriously sometimes. Don’t we all need to be reminded that, “Stupid people shouldn’t be allowed to breed”?
WBAR:
I didn’t find out that WBAR was in the basement of the quad until the last week of my first year. This makes me very sad because WBAR might actually be my favorite student organization. Think about it—some of these kids are awake at ungodly hours (4 a.m. on a Tuesday, anyone?) entertaining an audience that literally consists of their parents and some dangerously over caffeinated students in Butler, and they love it! Why? Because being a radio DJ is just awesome. The only thing cooler than WBAR is the WBAR-B-Q where you get to eat food and be a total hipster listening to bands you’ve never heard of and then go tell all your hipster friends, “[Obscure Band] is sooo good live.”
Minor Latham Playhouse:
I once filmed a play in Minor Latham Playhouse for the library. The play was performed completely in another language with subtitles on a screen (mind you, it is extremely difficult to film actors and subtitles at the same time!). Before that, I hadn’t seen any performances in Minor Latham, but I have to say that I think people write it off too quickly. But I really think everyone should try and see at least one show in Minor Latham before they leave here. The play that I saw there was one of the first times where I witnessed the community interact with the campus, because many of the people in the audience were people who lived in the neighborhood. That’s definitely a valuable part of being at Barnard.
The Tunnels:
Every time I explain the tunnels to a group of prospective students and parents, everyone unanimously looks amazed. Looking back I’m not sure if I understand how it’s possible to get lost in them for 20 minutes, but the first time I used them, I did. A tunnel system is probably one of the most useful things that we have at Barnard College, especially considering the completely erratic weather we have to deal with. I can’t even count how many times I’ve left a class in Milbank only to see that it’s snowing outside (side note: Being a Texan, I am wholeheartedly unimpressed with this idea of “snow”). But every time that happen, I mutter a few expletives under my breath, turn right back around, and head for for the tunnels.
Scary 5th Floor of Milbank:
Let me preface this choice by saying that this spot on campus is really only important to me because of the way that I discovered it. One dark, cold night last year I was checking the media equipment in the classrooms of Milbank part of my job in the Barnard Library. On my list of classrooms to check was one on the 5th floor of Milbank. I thought it was a typo, but after calling my supervisor I was informed that it was a real place. I walked around the 4th floor of Milbank for about 15 minutes, tried to find a 5th floor button in the elevator (there isn’t one), and almost left, defeated, when I saw a sign in a corner leading the way to the mysterious 5th floor. I walked up a small stairwell and heard the faint sounds of an opera lesson. The classroom was pitch black and in order for me to check the projector, the lights had to remain off. I turned the projector on and off as fast as I could to complete my job while simultaneously praying that I wouldn’t get locked in that room alone. And I could even swear the singing was getting louder. In case you haven’t deduced this, it was a traumatizing moment for me. But even for the more mature among us, I think it makes for an interesting find and a decent source of chills.
Well Woman:
From what I know about Well Woman, it kind of reminds me of the after school care program that I had in elementary school; there’s board games, snacks, and people talk to you about your problems. It’s really just a nice place and it’s oh so necessary. We as Barnard students (Barnard Babes, as I like to call us) tend to get pretty wound up. But it’s cool, because we can go right over to Well Woman and knit some socks or get a massage. Well Woman is especially active around exams.
Speaking of which, I am here to tell you all to please calm down and take it easy. Well Woman can only do so much. Otherwise, it would be called Well SuperWoman (Speaking again of finals, that’s where all of these terrible jokes are coming from).
I think that these places give Barnard a unique flair and my hypothetical tour group will have had an opportunity to see the school through the lens of its many quirks. After this tour, I would explain to the prospective students that these are some of my favorite spots but that part of the beauty of being at Barnard for four years is that they, too, will accumulate a list places on campus that are special, too. them. Then they would all leave with the glow of Barnard pride and return a year later as first years. This is, of course, in my perfect world. But in reality, with every tour I give I try to convey all of these things in the best way that I can. I’m sincere in my admiration for Barnard and I hope that people leave my tours knowing that.