Long distance relationships are hard…really hard. That is not to say that they are not worth it. At the end of high school, my boyfriend and I knew we would be going to two different universities in two different states, and were faced with the decision to either end our relationship or to forge ahead. Many friends told us that it would be best to cut each other off sooner rather than later since it was inevitable that we would break up in college.
Our fall semester was almost easy. We committed to daily phone calls, had multiple Skype dates a week, and although we still missed each other, we were content enough considering the distance. We coasted through. But we got overly confident. Second semester hit us like a ton of bricks. We argued constantly (after already surviving a year without any fights). We were both too busy in our separate college lives to commit time for one another. We went days ignoring each other, we were always frustrated, and we were mentally and emotionally drained.
It was not working out. We had our doubts, but you know what? We are still together. We had a lot of problems. We still do. Being long distance never gets easier. You can only hope that you can adapt to the problems that arise. That said, I do not know the formula for making a long distance relationship work, but I can only imagine that it’s different for every relationship. However, I can tell you that there are fundamental blocks that your relationship needs to be built upon.
1. Good communication
It is the number one most important thing. And though it may seem straight forward, it can be hard to maintain. You can’t be afraid to bring up problems, you can’t be afraid to call someone out on their shit, but you also can’t take it personally when someone calls you out on yours. Sometimes feelings will get hurt, but as long as there is always mutual respect and progress being made, remember the tears are only temporary. Be blunt, be honest.
2. Trust each other
Especially in a long distance relationship, you have better things to focus on than being jealous, or doubting each other.
3. Be flexible
College is one the most formative years of our lives. You will change, your significant other will change, and you have to be okay with that. You are both growing and things will change. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
4. Maintain spontaneity!
I cannot tell you how great it is to get a surprise box of Insomnia cookies on a random school night, or to find a handwritten card in my mailbox. The little things you do for each other are worth more than you may think.
Our third year anniversary is soon, and I’m proud to say that we are excited to celebrate more years together. The time we have had together and the things we have fought through speak to our strength and dedication to one another. I have no doubt I have made the right decision, and though it may not be for everyone, I have made a long distance relationship work for me.