Finally, it’s here. Some call it Finals Season, but I definitely prefer to think of it as Formals Season. It can be the most magical night of frolicking through the greatest city on Earth, or you can end up crying in the bathtub while still wearing your cocktail dress. It is up to you how the night goes, so let’s walk through the decisions that determine where you end up. Let’s hope it’s not here:
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1. The Date:
Good choices for a date: your significant other, your best friend, the person you’ve been drunkenly sleeping with for a couple weeks. Bad choices for a date: Rando you sit behind in Sociology, your friend’s ex, your ex’s friend, your friend’s friend’s friend that you’ve never met but who realllllllly wants to go to formal and is a super nice guy you’ve been promised. It’s ideal to have spoken with your date before at some point in your life. Because even if the two of you manage to suffer through an awkward pregame together, as soon as you get to formal, most people are going to be too drunk to maintain a conversation anymore, and activity choices are going to be confined to a) drinking $17 Long Island iced teas, b) making out on the dance floor, and c) parking yourself next to the cheese cubes. None of these things are fun alone (k maybe the cheese a little bit), so you want to enjoy the company of your date.
2. The Dinner:
Have it. Please, dear god, eat anything. I’m begging you, your date is begging you, the janitors potentially faced with a pool of your vomit at the venue are begging you. You have no excuse. I don’t care if you do a party bus instead of a fancy dinner out; eat a slice of pizza while you grind on that stripper pole. This is for all of us.
3. The Undergarments:
Underwear should be a part of your evening. When making your underwear decisions, operate under the assumption that you will be wiping out roughly 3.4 times throughout the evening, and you never know who will end up with a front-row seat to that show. Nude colors are typically a good call since flash photos do the strangest thing to sheer dresses, and your Hello Kitty thong – while adorable – has no place here.
4. The Behavior:
Let’s all try to be nice to each other. If you arrive at the formal with someone in particular, it is typically considered only polite to leave with that someone as well. No one is saying you should hook up with someone you don’t want to, but try to refrain from hooking up with anyone else in front of your date.
5. The After Party
Artichoke pizza is always the right move.
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