Too busy moving into your new dorm to watch the MTV VMA’s this past Sunday? Wondering what crazy twerking you missed? Well, all in all, not much. The TV award show has gained notoriety over the past decade for showcasing wacky, off-script moments and surprise celebrity interactions. But lacking in mid-song make out sessions (Madonna and Britney, 2003), drunken declarations out of turn (Kanye, 2009), and controversial dance numbers (Miley, 2013), the 2014 VMA’s will disappoint any fans seeking scandal and gossip. Instead, this year’s show served a socially constructive purpose as it promulgated a sense of female solidarity and success.
Katy Perry opened her night by attracting cameras as she arrived in a yellow Lamborghini with infamous rapper Riff Raff tailing in toe, both clad in matching, head-to-toe denim. The ensemble was custom-made by Versace as a blatant pastiche of Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake’s famous 2001 American Music Awards getup.
Katy slyly solicited Brit’s approval via a post-show tweet, earning Katy an earnest endorsement in response.
Katy and Britney weren’t the only gals to share VMA love. Miley, Ariana Grande, Lorde, Taylor Swift, and J-Lo also joined in the kindred celeb spirit on camera and social media.
Lorde, clad in black robes, prefaced TayTay’s performance with, “she’s tall, blonde, and doesn’t wear this much black. Introducing my friend, Taylor Swift.”
J-Lo added a photo with Taylor Swift, accompanied by the caption, “Love her!!!” J-Lo looked fit as ever in Charbel Zoe silver sequins while Tay channeled Tommy Pickles in a baby blue, super short playsuit by Mary Katrantzou. The long-legged blondie still managed to pull off the look with help from the romper’s high neckline, long sleeves, and a pair of blood red Elie Saab booties.
Demi Lovato, having battled years of anorexia and bulimia, contributed to the VMA girl power by encouraging her Instagram followers to embrace a healthy shape and love their bodies. She attended the show clad in a cleavage-heavy, elegantly classic Lanvin red gown.
Perhaps the biggest story of the night was Miley’s tear-jerker acceptance speech. In a 180 degree turnaround from the booty-dropping performance that horrified fans in 2013, Miley used her fifteen seconds of mic time to lend a voice, literally, to the homeless youth of LA.
No word yet on how Miley managed to recruit the most attractive homeless young man in the country to act as her proxy. The Bangerz pop sensation celebrated her win by treating her guest, twenty-two-year old Jesse Helt, to In-N-Out later that night.
Lorde may long to live that Royal fantasy, but we all know who the real Queen B is. Yoncé closed the show with a sixteen-minute medley performance that left fans bowing at her Louboutin-clad feet, but not before leveraging her stage time to debunk rumors surrounding the status of her regal relationship. King Jay and princess Blue Ivy joined the Queen onstage after her performance to hug, kiss, congratulate, and extinguish any doubts about their devotion.
Flagrantly calculated, yes, but we will choose to ignore the reality of the publicity stunt for the sake of remaining her humbly servile fans.
So, who run the world? Check out the 2014 VMA’s and you’ll find your answer.