COLUMBIA VS. STATE SCHOOL

Posted Nov 19 2012 - 12:00am

Everyone knows that Columbia is a tough university. We probably shorten our life spans by at least a year after four years of cumulative stress. Not to mention the insane pressure to graduate and become a Wall Street-banking neurosurgeon with a spare degree in astrophysics and a best-selling adult fiction novel. Our Winter Break starts 48 hours before Christmas, midterms are actually whenever-and-as-many-as-the-professor-wants-terms, and we’re statistically more likely to die in a shark attack than get a snow day (probably). Do you ever have those moments at 4AM, as your notecards start to blur and slip from your hyper-caffeinated hands, when you wonder what your life would’ve been like if you had gone somewhere like a state university? Maybe then you wouldn’t have that stress-induced bald spot on the back of your head from Orgo. And at the very least, you’d have real football tailgates to attend...

I’m about to compare Columbia University to state schools, using generalizations based on my experience, my friends’ experiences, and Total Frat Move. If you’re looking for a well-researched sociological study, or some thought-provoking literature, I suggest that you instead try The New Yorker, or wait for Britney Spears’ upcoming novel. Furthermore, some readers will be Barnard students, and some will be CC. For the remainder of this article, let’s agree to group ourselves together as “Columbia University.” Barnard women take classes at Columbia; CC students take classes at Barnard. After you’re done reading this, you may return to your Barnard v. CC comment war on Bwog, if you are so inclined. Now then, let’s proceed.

School Size

To start with the obvious, Columbia University’s extremely selective admissions criteria necessarily limits its size. Compare that to West Virginia University (ranked the #1 “Party School” of 2013 by the Princeton Review), which boasts an 85% average acceptance rate. There are about 8,500 students at Columbia University (including Barnard and CC), and 22,711 at West Virginia University, making it much easier to hide anonymously in lecture and never do your readings. If I wanted to skip my 15-person seminar, I’d need to either be dead, have a family emergency, or be bed-ridden with a pink eye/pneumonia hybrid virus (verified by a doctor’s note). It’s not all bad though. When I’m having a crisis about my schedule or forgetting a deadline, I can email my advisor and expect an answer within the day. Anonymity has its advantages, but accountability makes for responsible graduates (usually). Plus, having professors and advisors who are largely accessible has gotten me a handful of paper extensions, and two waived Registrar fines. Not that I’m keeping track.

Libraries

I asked a couple of my state-school friends how often they go to the library, and how much time they think that other students at their school spend there. Here are the responses I received on a Monday night:

• UCLA: “I’m drunk! My friend says he uses it all the time. I go for midterms and finals.”

• Princeton: “I study in a library every day. Probably spend at least 3 hours there daily. Others probably go like two or three times daily, and use the study rooms.”

• Boulder: “Never. Note that this text was sent during finals week...” [See below]

• University of Arizona: I did not receive a text response, but rather a 3AM phone call that included a lot of incoherent slurring, a couple of nonsequiter “I f*cking love you!”s, and absolutely no mention of libraries in any capacity. (Please note that I received this phone call while in Butler, studying.)

After three years of all-nighters, I have never once been alone in 209. I mean, there’s a blog called Butler Sleepers, solely dedicated to those of us who don’t even have think we have time to go home and take a real nap. We also go to 209 to socialize because everyone’s always studying, and that’s where we’re most likely to see that guy/girl/TA we have a crush on. Even drunk students stop by 209 to see their friends after a night out because God forbid we try to have lives outside of academics. I have a lot of fun in Butler. I’ve decorated my cubicle with Christmas lights in Butler. LSU students may rejoice over quality seats at an LSU-Alabama game, but here at Columbia, sweet victory is a quality seat in the library during finals season!

Greek Life

At Columbia, Greek life comprises about 10% of the student body. At the University of Alabama, 78% of undergraduate men are members of a fraternity, while 68% of women are members of a sorority. There are 25 total Greek organizations at Columbia University, including fraternities, sororities, and multicultural organizations. There are close to 60 fraternities and sororities at the University of Alabama, and, for the record, here is the Delta Gamma house there.

Because it only involves such a small portion of the student body, Greek life has faced an uphill battle for recognition and funding at Columbia. It’s often looked down upon by non-affiliated students because it smacks of state-school superficiality, hierarchies, prejudice, exclusivity, and hazing. Meanwhile, the University of Alabama has essentially placed crowns upon the heads of fraternity and sorority members, and given them the keys to the city. And by “keys to the city,” I mean block seating at football games right behind the end zone—far removed from the nose-bleed seats of the plebeian student section at the top of the stadium. Good luck loving life at Alabama as an independent!

Greek Life

At state schools, going Greek is essentially the only way to have a social life, but at Columbia, you could go out downtown, meet friends through other Columbia clubs, and ignore Greek life like you ignore crosswalk signals. You could embrace Greek life, buy a neon fanny pack, sport your letters everywhere, only hang out with your sorority sisters, and run around Morningside Heights chanting through a megaphone. Or you can do a sane combination of the two extremes. Columbia is the perfect place for the hesitant sorority girl to go Greek because it doesn’t require you to commit your whole life to it (unless you’re into that). You can write for Spec, dance in Orchesis, tutor for One-to-One, and still enjoy the fun parts of Columbia Greek life.

Whereas, at the University of Alabama (and at similar state schools), your dues are astronomical (possibly to pay for chapter spray tans), your social status largely depends on your letters, and I’m pretty sure the initiation ceremonies involve signing a contract in blood or something. Worst of all, you’ll probably be pressured into wearing Lilly Pulitzer.

Athletics

The most expensive single-game ticket that you will ever be able to buy for a Columbia football game is $25. The cheapest ticket that a non-student can buy for the Kentucky State v. Texas game is $55, but it’s already sold out, so don’t bother. Students get in free at essentially all Columbia athletic events. At Kentucky State, general admission season passes, JUST for football, run students $150.

At state schools, it is actually difficult to get seats at REGULAR games, not just Homecoming. (Unless, of course, you’re one of the blessed fraternity or sorority members with blocked seating.) Here is the Ole Miss football stadium 30 minutes before kickoff.

Athletics

In contrast, here is me in the front row of the Columbia football stadium, after walking in during the third quarter of this year’s HOMECOMING game, and deciding to join the marching band.

Athletics

In a way, you could consider it a perk that (for the most part) we don’t take athletics too seriously. I mean, I had a great view of the game, and if you’ve ever dreamt of playing an instrument, the band can be extremely accommodating, which I feel the Ole Miss band would not have been in this circumstance. Why do I feel that way? Columbia's marching band:

Athletics

Ole Miss' marching band:

Athletics

Fortunately, the Columbia marching band literally could not care less about the crowd at games because...

Athletics

Even though our tailgates might not look like this, when we manage to care about school spirit we have a pretty good time.

Athletics

Columbia might start to feel increasingly lame as the semester drags toward finals. The woman who kicks people out of 209 at 7am learns your name, the Starbucks barista calls your coffee consumption “aggressive”, and your professor reminds you about the research paper that’s somehow, suddenly due tomorrow. Meanwhile, your friend at the University of Texas seems to be partying in December in a crop top and shorts Monday-Sunday, while you waste away in front of your thesis books...wearing earmuffs. Next time you start to fantasize about your hypothetical life at a state school, take a second to remember how fortunate you are to be suffering at Columbia University, an Ivy League institution in New York City, the unofficially acknowledged capital of the world.

Also this wasn’t you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26ZN5Ak0oIE

Athletics

And at the end of the day, state schools may be prettier, drunker, and tanner, but they didn’t do this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYjQt_oiQqk

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