A “Mom Friend’s” Guidelines to Surviving College

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We all have a “mom friend,” and honestly, it’s a good thing we do. We need those people to keep us in check now that we’re away at school and far away from our own mothers. Even “mom friends” need a “mom friend!” Without each other, who would stay in on Friday nights to watch Chip and Joanna on HGTV and drink wine out of coffee mugs? To that effect, here are the guidelines to college as defined by a “Mom Friend.”

 

 

1. It’s okay to stay in

Sometimes it seems like if you don’t go out to a party or the bars over the weekend, you’re not really a college student. Mom friends are here to tell you that is completely false. We don’t have the energy to go out every night of the weekend. Instead, you’ll find us curled up with wine or a margarita watching Friends or The Real Housewives worrying about if our friends who did go out are safe. And, if we didn’t stay in, who would make the cookies for everyone who’s hungover the next morning? We’re always here for you if you just aren’t feeling like spending your night getting spilled on in a basement, and we will not have any FOMO. Trust me.

 

2. Tough love is important

Everyone has moments where they feel like their life just isn’t going to come together, and that is totally normal! However, mom friends know that sometimes we have to be Edna from The Incredibles and give you that tough love you need to get yourself in line. We know you are capable of so much more than you think you are, and it’s our job to remind you of that. There’s a reason you came to us, right? We are the queens of giving you a hug and telling you it’s time to get your shit together because sometimes that’s exactly what you need.

 

3. Protecting your babies is serious

Mom friends are typically very approachable people, we are definitely the teenagers who lost children come find at the grocery store when they can’t find their own mom. Ask around, it’s happened to us. However, just like a Mama Bear when something comes between her and her cubs, we are dangerous when we need to be. Your mom friend will defend you to the end, and she will do whatever necessary to keep you safe. If a guy is giving you a hard time or you feel unsafe, you better believe the mom friend is there to put herself between you, or even throw a punch if that’s what you need. She’s a mother moose in cute but practical heels ready to mace somebody if it seems required, and you’re lucky to have her.

 

4. Sometimes all you need is someone to listen to you

Occasionally you need the tough love we’re prepared to give you, but more often you need someone who is willing to give you their whole, undivided attention, and let you vent. Ten week terms are stressful, the guy you met last week isn’t replying to your Snaps, your professor moved up a deadline, or you miss your dog, and we are here for you to talk about it. Mom friends know that you need to feel appreciated, and sometimes you just want to rant about how awful things are looking at the moment. She’ll probably wrap you in a blanket and give you a cup of tea, but she will definitely be listening to you. As an added bonus, she won’t try to “man-splain” how your problems aren’t really problems and give solutions that won’t really help you, either. She’s just there to talk, and help you feel better.

 

5. Always be your own bartender

This is an important one. I have yet to meet a mom friend who was not an absolute badass behind the bar. Rough night? She’ll make you a daiquiri. Tough week? Strawberry mimosas at brunch. Not only are they good at mixing drinks, they’re good at it because they know how important it is to know exactly what you’re drinking. In college especially, but even later in life, there should never be a time that you should take a drink you didn’t watch being made. The fact that this happens scares mom friends to death, we worry every time our friends go out without us because something scary could happen, and we won’t be there to “mama bear” and oversee the making of every drink. We’d rather you drink safely with us because we’re better at bartending anyway AND we know you’re safe. We’re not regular moms, we’re cool moms.