In honor of V-Day, my boyfriend and I braved the crowds to watch the highly anticipated Fifty Shades of Grey movie. By that I mean he had no choice but to sit through 125 minutes of awkward sex because I’ve read the trilogy four times – no judging. Like every book series turned into a major motion picture, it’s hard not to compare the two, with the books almost always being ten times better. When I learned E.L. James’ book trilogy would hit the big screen on Valentine’s Day, I was instantly worried the movie wouldn’t live up to the sex scenes in the book; there’s no denying we’ve all basically been reading porn. Did I really want to see what I’ve been reading? I learned this past weekend I would much rather just read about it than actually see it, especially with a hundred other people in the same room (but I’ll take the soundtrack please!) I had many thoughts while watching 50 shades –50 to be exact, and maybe you had the same ones.
1. SO EXCITED !!!
2. There are a lot of old…er people in this theater. This is going to be awkward.
3. I’m jealous of Christian’s closet.
4. I definitely need to visit and/or move to Seattle now.
5. Why doesn’t my apartment look like Anastasia’s?
6. I imagined Kate being way hotter.
7. I’m disappointed with their character choice for Christian Grey. This guy isn’t really that cute.
8. This interview. Awk.
9. * giggles * So glad they showed the death grip on his desk because he’s oh so h-o-r-n-y.
10. My favorite part about this interview is her questioning his sexuality. LOL.
11. Is that potato or chicken salad?
12. God, their apartment is so cute.
13. Again, another very awkward scene. Can we skip past the hardware and straight to the drunk dial?
14. I’ve never had this much help from an associate while shopping before.
15. What the he*l is she wearing out?!
16. Ah the books. Aw, I want first-edition books.
17. I also imagined Jose being cuter.
18. She didn’t look drunk standing in line before making the call.
19. So she’s one of those fake-annoying-drunks-when-talking-to-guys kind of girl.
20. This drunken dial scene is actually really funny.
21. Kristen Stewart would totally butcher this scene. * Gasps and stutters a million times. *
22. Okay he’s not totally bad looking.
23. Except for his brother! GROSS!
24. Awww I wish my boyfriend left me cute hangover remedies.
25. I will make toast, and he will lunge across my bed to eat it like that for me, too.
26. He can “Laters, baby” me anytime, too.
27. I have fallen in love with Jamie Dornan as he’s standing there with Charlie Tango in his sexy blue suit.
28. The boyfriend just leaned over and said he wishes he had a helicopter to ride around in. Me too babe, me too.
29. I LOVE THIS SONG! Ellie Goulding, you are an angel.
30. Wait. I wish I had HIS apartment.
31. “I don’t make love. I f*ck. Hard.” OMG what are these old people in front of me thinking?! This is starting to get weird.
32. The boyfriend would laugh at the X-box line.
33. Ooookay here comes the sex. * cringes * A lot.
34. Sigh. Don’t we all wish our first time was this perfect too?
35. That wasn’t too bad, but thank goodness it’s over.
36. Why don’t I have that kitchen? It’s perfect. I’ll take that over the man anytime.
37. I hope the boyfriend doesn’t feel like he has to buy me new computers and cars. (Yes. Yes. Yes.)
38. FIRST PLAYROOM SCENCE. OMG THIS IS TERRIBLE MAKE IT STOP I SHOULD NOT HAVE COME TO SEE THIS MOVIE.
39. The boyfriend and I both agree we’re going to take a glider to Costa Rica.
40. I have got to get the boyfriend a pair of those low hip-hugging jeans. Yummy.
41. Aaand she’s naked. Tied up by all fours.
42. SO MANY NIPPLES.
43. I can’t watch this anymore with these old people surrounding me. Please be over soon.
44. I completely forgot about this spanking scene. NO, PLEASE NO I’VE SEEN ENOUGH.
45. I’m crying. Must. Hide. Tears.
46. How did he get so sweaty after six spankings?
47. Thank god it’s over.
48. WAIT. They didn’t even show her interviews for the publishing houses?! That’s super important!
49. That soundtrack was awesome.
50. That was painful (no pun intended.) I will be watching the next movie by myself.
Photo Credits:
https://www.tumblr.com/search/mr+grey+will+see+you+now
https://www.tumblr.com/search/50+shades+of+grey
https://www.tumblr.com/search/50+shades+of+grey
https://www.tumblr.com/search/fifty+shades+movie
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/enough.gif